Mark Twain Quotes, Eight Quotes, Want Quotes

Yes - en I's rich now, come to look at it. I owns myself, en I's wuth eight hund'd dollars. I wisht I had de money, I wouldn' want no mo'.

6 years ago

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Eight Quotes , Want Quotes

Heaven is by favor; if it were by merit your dog would go in and you would stay out. Of all the creatures ever made (man) is the most detestable. Of the entire brood, he is the only one... that possesses malice. He is the only creature that inflicts pain for sport, knowing it to be pain.

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God could create the world in six days because he didn't have to make it compatible with the previous version. Go to Heaven for the climate, Hell for the company

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When congress is in session no American is safe.

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Nevertheless we have this curious spectacle: daily the trained parrot in the pulpit gravely delivers himself of these ironies, which he has acquired at second-hand and adopted without examination, to a trained congregation which accepts them without examination, and neither the speaker nor the hearer laughs at himself. It does seem as if we ought to be humble when we are at a bench-show, and not put on airs of intellectual superiority there.

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Humble Quotes , Air Quotes

The average woman would rather have beauty than brains, because the average man can see better than he can think.

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If you shamefully misuse a cat once she will always maintain a dignified reserve toward you afterward. You will never get her full confidence again.

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Troubles are only mental; it is the mind that manufactures them, and the mind can gorge them, banish them, abolish them.

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Modesty antedates clothes and will be resumed when clothes are no more.

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Concerning the difference between man and the jackass: some observers hold that there isn't any. But this wrongs the jackass.

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Funny Inspirational Quotes , Men Quotes

I knew a man who grabbed a cat by the tail and learned forty percent more about cats than the man who didn't.

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As an example to others, and not that I care for moderation myself, it has always been my rule never to smoke when asleep, and never to refrain from smoking when awake.

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My heart goes out to anyone who is making his first appearance before an audience of human beings.

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Monarchies, aristocracies, and religions....there was never a country where the majority of the people were in their secret hearts loyal to any of these institutions.

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Those who do not read the news are uninformed. Those who do are misinformed.

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...the circumstances and the atmosphere always have so much to do in directing a conversation, especially a German conversation, which is only a kind of an insurrection, anyway.

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Atmosphere Quotes , Language Quotes

If Christ were here now there is one thing he would not be — a Christian.

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Nothing incites to money-crimes like great poverty or great wealth.

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Life does not consist mainly - or even largely - of facts and happenings.

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I purpose publishing these Letters here in the world before I return to you. Two editions. One, unedited, for Bible readers and their children; the other, expurgated, for persons of refinement

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Religious Quotes , Children Quotes