Mark Twain Quotes, Numbers Quotes, Remember Quotes

isn't so astonishing, the number of things that I can remember, as the number of things I can remember that aren't so.

6 years ago

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Numbers Quotes , Remember Quotes

A German joke is no laughing matter.

6 years ago

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Laughing Quotes , Matter Quotes

Thanksgiving day. Let us all give humble, hearty, and sincere thanks now, but the turkeys.

6 years ago

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Humble Quotes , Turkeys Quotes

I said there was but one solitary thing about the past worth remembering, and that was the fact that it is past-can't be restored.

6 years ago

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Past Quotes , History Quotes

There are basically two types of people. People who accomplish things, and people who claim to have accomplished things. The first group is less crowded.

6 years ago

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Inspirational Quotes , Funny Quotes

...many foolish persons, wanderers from other parts, have the vain fashion of graving their names and the obscure places whence they come, upon its stones, which is silly and marketh the doer for a fool.

6 years ago

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Fashion Quotes , Silly Quotes

Unused talents gives you no advantage over someone who has no talent at all.

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Giving Quotes , Talent Quotes

From his cradle to his grave a man never does a single thing which has any FIRST AND FOREMOST object but one -- to secure peace of mind, spiritual comfort, for HIMSELF.

6 years ago

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Spiritual Quotes , Men Quotes

I was born lazy. I am no lazier now than I was forty years ago, but that is because I reached the limit forty years ago. You can't go beyond possibility.

6 years ago

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Years Quotes , Lazy Quotes

I saw men whom thirty years had changed but slightly; but their wives had grown old. These were good women; it is very wearing to be good.

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Men Quotes , Years Quotes

Once you've put one of his [Henry James] books down, you simply can't pick it up again.

6 years ago

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Book Quotes

No God and no religion can survive ridicule. No political church, no nobility, no royalty or other fraud, can face ridicule in a fair field, and live.

6 years ago

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , God Quotes , Political Quotes

The Bible is full of interest. It has noble poetry in it; and some clever fables; and some blood-drenched history; and some good morals; and a wealth of obscenity; and upwards of a thousand lies. This Bible is built mainly out of fragments of older Bibles that had their day and crumbled to ruin. So it noticeably lacks in originality, necessarily. Its three or four most imposing and impressive events all happened in earlier Bibles; there are only two new things in it: hell, for one, and that singular heaven I have told you about.

6 years ago

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Clever Quotes , Lying Quotes

Books are for people who wish they were somewhere else.

6 years ago

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Book Quotes , Somewhere Else Quotes

There is a great difference between feeding parties to wild beasts and stirring up their finer feelings in an inquisition. One is the system of degraded barbarians, the other of enlightened civilized people.

6 years ago

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Party Quotes , Civilization Quotes

But who prays for Satan? Who, in eighteen centuries, has had the common humanity to pray for the one sinner that needed it most?

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Funny Quotes , Sympathy Quotes

Never argue with a fool, onlookers may not be able to tell the difference.

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Inspirational Quotes , Crazy Quotes

What ought to be done to the man who invented the celebrating of anniversaries? Mere killing would be too light.

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Funny Quotes , Anniversary Quotes

My kind of loyalty was loyalty to one's country, not to its institutions or its officeholders. The country is the real thing, the substantial thing, the eternal thing; it is the thing to watch over, and care for, and be loyal to; institutions are extraneous, they are its mere clothing, and clothing can wear out, become ragged, cease to be comfortable, cease to protect the body from winter, disease, and death.

6 years ago

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Loyalty Quotes , Country Quotes

If they [the dead] should speak, it would be found that in matters of opinion no departed person was exactly what he had passed for in life. They would realise, deep down, that they, and whole nations along with them, are not really what they seem to be-and never can be.

6 years ago

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Departed Quotes , Would Be Quotes