Mark Twain Quotes, College Quotes, Brain Quotes

College is a place where a professor's lecture notes go straight to the students' lecture notes, without passing through the brains of either.

5 years ago

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , College Quotes , Brain Quotes

I was warned to stop smoking, which I did, for two or three days, but it was too lonesome, and I have resumed - in a modified way - 4 smokes a day instead of 40. This will have a good effect. On the bank balance.

5 years ago

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Two Quotes , Smoking Quotes

Stripping away the irrational, the illogical, and the impossible, I am left with atheism. I can live with that.

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We do not get ice-cream every where, and so, when we do, we are apt to dissipate to excess.

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Ice Cream Quotes , Ice Quotes

The man who is a pessimist before 48 knows too much; if he is an optimist after it, he knows too little.

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Inspirational Quotes , Optimistic Quotes

I was born with Halley's Comet and I expect to die upon its return

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The waves most washed me off the raft sometimes, but I hadn't any clothes on, and didn't mind.

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It now seems plain to me that that theory ought to be vacated in favor of a new and truer one...the Descent of Man from the Higher Animals.

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Animal Quotes , Men Quotes

There are two types of speakers: those that are nervous and those that are liars.

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Facts are stubborn, but statistics are more pliable.

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Sarcastic Quotes , Sarcasm Quotes

To lodge all power in one party and keep it there is to insure bad government and the sure and gradual deterioration of the public morals.

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Graduation Quotes , Party Quotes

Of all the animals, man is the only one that is cruel. He is the only one that inflicts pain for the pleasure of doing it.

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Life Quotes , Pain Quotes

When in doubt, tell the truth. That maxim I did invent, but never expected it to be applied to me. I did say, "When you are in doubt," but when I am in doubt myself I use more sagacity.

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Truth Quotes , Doubt Quotes

A few fly bites cannot stop a spirited horse.

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God, so atrocious in the Old Testament, so attractive in the New--the Jekyl and Hyde of sacred romance.

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Never put off till tomorrow what you can do day after tomorrow just as well.

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Funny Quotes , Life Quotes

In all my travels the thing that has impressed me the most is the universal brotherhood of man-what there is of it.

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Men Quotes , Brotherhood Of Man Quotes

There ain't anything that is so interesting to look at as a place that a book has talked about.

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There has been much tragedy in my life; at least half of it actually happened.

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Inspirational Quotes , Funny Quotes

You may call a jay a bird. Well, so he is, in a measure--because he's got feathers on him, and don't belong to no church, perhaps;but otherwise he is just as much a human as you be. And I'll tell you for why. A jay's gifts and instincts, and feelings, and interests, cover the whole ground. A jay hasn't got any more principle than a Congressman.

5 years ago

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Bird Quotes , Feelings Quotes