Mark Twain Quotes, Funny Quotes, Death Quotes

No real estate is permanently valuable but the grave.

6 years ago

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Funny Quotes , Death Quotes

I believe that our Heavenly Father invented man because he was disappointed in the monkey. I believe that whenever a human being, of even the highest intelligence and culture, delivers an opinion upon a matter apart from his particular and especial line of interest, training and experience, it will always be an opinion of so foolish and so valueless a sort that it can be depended upon to suggest to our Heavenly Father that the human being is another disappointment and that he is no considerable improvement upon the monkey.

6 years ago

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Disappointment Quotes , Father Quotes

Every one knew he could foretell wars and famines, though that was not so hard, for there was always a war, and generally a famine somewhere.

6 years ago

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , War Quotes , Famine Quotes

I'm merely running some errands. This is now off the record.

6 years ago

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Running Quotes , Records Quotes

It is not best to use our morals weekdays, it gets them out of repair for Sunday.

6 years ago

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Sunday Quotes , Use Quotes

When the world is made to be idiot-proof, the world will become overpopulated with idiots.

6 years ago

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , World Quotes , Idiot Quotes

Advertisements contain the only truths to be relied on in a newspaper.

6 years ago

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Fake People Quotes , Truth Quotes

After a few months' acquaintance with European 'coffee' one's mind weakens, and his faith with it, and he begins to wonder if the rich beverage of home, with it's clotted layer of yellow cream on top of it, is not a mere dream after all, and a thing which never existed.

6 years ago

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Dream Quotes , Coffee Quotes

I have found out that there ain't no surer way to find out whether you like people or hate them than to travel with them.

6 years ago

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Travel Quotes , Hate Quotes

....try the mustard, - a man can't know what turnips are in perfection without mustard.

6 years ago

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Men Quotes , Perfection Quotes

Never waste a lie; you never know when you may need it.

6 years ago

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Lying Quotes , Needs Quotes

Our heroes are men who do things which we recognize, with regret, and sometimes with a secret shame, that we cannot do.

6 years ago

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Regret Quotes , Hero Quotes

God rewards gamblers and fools. The crucial thing, when you win, is knowing which you were.

6 years ago

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Winning Quotes , Knowing Quotes

We grant God the possession of all the qualities of mind except the one that keeps the others healthy; that watches over their dignity; that focuses their vision true--humor.

6 years ago

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , God Quotes , Healthy Quotes

great people are those who make others feel that they, too, can become great.

6 years ago

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Funny Quotes , Kindness Quotes

The first of April is the day we remember what we are the other 364 days of the year.

6 years ago

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Spring Quotes , Inspiration Quotes

Names are not always what they seem.

6 years ago

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Names Quotes , Labyrinth Quotes

There is nothing training can't cannot do. Nothing is above its reach.

6 years ago

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Training Quotes

Strip the human race, absolutely naked, and it would be a real democracy. But the introduction of even a rag of tiger skin, or a cowtail, could make a badge of distinction and be the beginning of a monarchy.

6 years ago

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Real Quotes , Race Quotes

Indecency, vulgarity, obscenity - these are strictly confined to man; he invented them. Among the higher animals there is no trace of them. They hide nothing. They are not ashamed.

6 years ago

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Animal Quotes , Men Quotes