Mark Twain Quotes, Funny Quotes, Sports Quotes

It's good sportsmanship to not pick up lost golf balls while they are still rolling.

5 years ago

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Funny Quotes , Sports Quotes

Do not try to live forever. You will not succeed.

4 years ago

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Tags : George Bernard Shaw Quotes , Funny Quotes , Forever Quotes

A lifetime of happiness! No man alive could bear it: it would be hell on earth.

4 years ago

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Tags : George Bernard Shaw Quotes , Funny Quotes , Happiness Quotes

If you're a guy, you have absolutely no idea what's going on at any time in the relationship, ever. Here's what you know: you know when you're getting laid, and you know when it's all over. Those are the only two things you're aware of.

5 years ago

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Tags : Adam Carolla Quotes , Funny Quotes , Humor Quotes

He who desires nothing, hopes for nothing, and is afraid of nothing, cannot be an artist.

5 years ago

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Tags : Anton Chekhov Quotes , Funny Quotes , Sarcastic Quotes

A modest ring at the bell at length allayed her fears, and Miss Benton, hurrying into her own room and shutting herself up, in order that she might preserve that appearance of being taken by surprise which is so essential to the polite reception of visitors, awaited their coming with a smiling countenance.

5 years ago

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Tags : Charles Dickens Quotes , Funny Quotes , Humorous Quotes

He doesn't sound like a guy who's done a onesome, let alone a threesome.

5 years ago

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Tags : Adam Carolla Quotes , Funny Quotes , Humor Quotes

My best training came from my father.

5 years ago

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Tags : Woodrow Wilson Quotes , Funny Quotes , Dad Quotes

Every dream is a prophecy: every jest is an earnest in the womb of Time.

4 years ago

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Tags : George Bernard Shaw Quotes , Funny Quotes , Dream Quotes

A crime persevered in a thousand centuries ceases to be a crime, and becomes a virtue. This is the law of custom, and custom supersedes all other forms of law.

5 years ago

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Funny Quotes , Humor Quotes

Both marriage and death ought to be welcome: the one promises happiness, doubtless the other assures it.

5 years ago

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Funny Quotes , Marriage Quotes

Women are made to be loved, not understood.

5 years ago

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Tags : Oscar Wilde Quotes , Love Quotes , Funny Quotes

If there were no God, it would have been necessary to invent him.

4 years ago

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Tags : Voltaire Quotes , Funny Quotes , Religion Quotes

Nothing has really happened until it has been recorded.

4 years ago

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Tags : Virginia Woolf Quotes , Funny Quotes , Humor Quotes

I don't think the discus will ever attract any interest until they let us start throwing them at one another.

5 years ago

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Tags : Al Oerter Quotes , Inspirational Quotes , Funny Quotes

Ladies and gentlemen are permitted to have friends in the kennel, but not in the kitchen.

4 years ago

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Tags : George Bernard Shaw Quotes , Funny Quotes , Kitchen Quotes

I'm so fast that last night I turned off the light switch in my hotel room and was in bed before the room was dark.

4 years ago

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Tags : Muhammad Ali Quotes , Funny Quotes , Motivational Quotes

... As to sleep, you know, I never sleep now. I might be a Watchman, except that I don't get any pay, and he's got nothing on his mind.

5 years ago

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Tags : Charles Dickens Quotes , Funny Quotes , Humorous Quotes

What do I think of Western civilization? I think it would be a very good idea.

4 years ago

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Tags : Mahatma Gandhi Quotes , Funny Quotes , Sarcastic Quotes

Dead birds don't fall out of their nests.

4 years ago

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Tags : Winston Churchill Quotes , Funny Quotes , Fall Quotes