Leo Tolstoy Quotes, Funny Quotes, Humor Quotes

Historians are like deaf people who go on answering questions that no one has asked them.

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Tags : Leo Tolstoy Quotes , Funny Quotes , Humor Quotes

Do not do unto others as you expect they should do unto you. Their tastes may not be the same.

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Tags : George Bernard Shaw Quotes , Funny Quotes , Life Quotes

The superfluous, a very necessary thing.

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Tags : Voltaire Quotes , Funny Quotes , Witty Quotes

It's not because John McCain doesn't care. It's because John McCain doesn't get it.

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Tags : Barack Obama Quotes , Funny Quotes , Sarcastic Quotes

Out upon merry Christmas! What's Christmas time to you but a time for paying bills without money; a time for finding yourself a year older, but not an hour richer...? If I could work my will," said Scrooge indignantly, "every idiot who goes about with 'Merry Christmas' upon his lips should be boiled with his won pudding, and buried with a stake of holly through his heart. He should!

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Tags : Charles Dickens Quotes , Funny Quotes , Christmas Quotes

Two people getting together to write a book is like three people getting together to have a baby. One of them is superfluous.

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Tags : George Bernard Shaw Quotes , Funny Quotes , Baby Quotes

It isn't that they can't see the solution. It is that they can't see the problem.

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Tags : Gilbert K. Chesterton Quotes , Funny Quotes , Math Quotes

It is better to be beautiful than to be good. But... it is better to be good than to be ugly.

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Tags : Oscar Wilde Quotes , Funny Quotes , Beauty Quotes

We'll love you just the way you are if you're perfect.

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Tags : Alanis Morissette Quotes , Love Quotes , Funny Quotes

A doctor's reputation is made by the number of eminent men who die under his care.

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Tags : George Bernard Shaw Quotes , Funny Quotes , Humorous Quotes

A tax is a fine for doing well, a fine is a tax for doing wrong.

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Funny Quotes , Fine Quotes

If you send a damned fool to St. Louis, and you don't tell them he's a damned fool, they'll never find out.

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Funny Quotes , Humor Quotes

"Next," said Mrs Wilfer with a wave of her gloves, expressive of abdication under protest from the culinary throne, "I would recommend examination of the bacon in the saucepan on the fire, and also of the potatoes by the application of a fork. Preparation of the greens will further become necessary if you persist in this unseemly demeanour."

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Tags : Charles Dickens Quotes , Funny Quotes , Humorous Quotes

Be excellent and party on dudes.

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Tags : Abraham Lincoln Quotes , Funny Quotes , Life Quotes

Old age hath yet his honour and his toil.

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Tags : Alfred Lord Tennyson Quotes , Funny Quotes , Age Quotes

Only the shallow know themselves.

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Tags : Oscar Wilde Quotes , Funny Quotes , Life Quotes

Only when the tide goes out do you discover who's been swimming naked.

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Tags : Warren Buffett Quotes , Funny Quotes , Motivation Quotes

If one plays good music, people don't listen and if one plays bad music people don't talk.

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Tags : Oscar Wilde Quotes , Funny Quotes , Music Quotes

... As to sleep, you know, I never sleep now. I might be a Watchman, except that I don't get any pay, and he's got nothing on his mind.

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Tags : Charles Dickens Quotes , Funny Quotes , Humorous Quotes

If one could only teach the English how to talk, and the Irish how to listen, society here would be quite civilized.

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Tags : Oscar Wilde Quotes , Funny Quotes , Sarcastic Quotes