Mark Twain Quotes, Funny Quotes, Humorous Quotes

In Paris they just simply opened their eyes and stared when we spoke to them in French! We never did succeed in making those idiots understand their own language.

6 years ago

Message Copied

Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Funny Quotes , Humorous Quotes

An Englishman never enjoys himself, except for a noble purpose.

6 years ago

Message Copied

Tags : A. P. Herbert Quotes , Humorous Quotes , Purpose Quotes

In the long run, every program becomes rococo, and then rubble.

6 years ago

Message Copied

Tags : Alan Perlis Quotes , Running Quotes , Humorous Quotes

He has been a doctor a year now and has had two patients - no, three, I think - yes, it was three; I attended their funerals.

6 years ago

Message Copied

Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Funny Quotes , Humorous Quotes

Our civilization has decided that determining the guilt or innocence of men is a thing too important to be trusted to trained men. When it wants a library catalogued, or the solar system discovered, or any trifle of that kind, it uses up its specialists. But when it wishes anything done which is really serious, it collects twelve of the ordinary men standing round. The same thing was done, if I remember right, by the Founder of Christianity.

5 years ago

Message Copied

Tags : Gilbert K. Chesterton Quotes , Funny Quotes , Humorous Quotes

Entrepreneurs are simply those who understand that there is little difference between obstacle and opportunity and are able to turn both to their advantage.

5 years ago

Message Copied

Tags : Niccolo Machiavelli Quotes , Humorous Quotes , Opportunity Quotes

I am pushing sixty. That is enough exercise for me.

6 years ago

Message Copied

Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Fitness Quotes , Humorous Quotes

Might I trouble you to open the window, for chloroform vapour does not help the palate.

5 years ago

Message Copied

Tags : Arthur Conan Doyle Quotes , Humorous Quotes , Sarcasm Quotes

I have never developed indigestion from eating my words.

5 years ago

Message Copied

Tags : Winston Churchill Quotes , Humorous Quotes , Eating Quotes

Some editors are failed writers, but so are most writers.

5 years ago

Message Copied

Tags : T. S. Eliot Quotes , Witty Quotes , Humorous Quotes

The humorous story is told gravely; the teller does his best to conceal the fact that he even dimly suspects that there is anything funny about it.

6 years ago

Message Copied

Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Humorous Quotes , Crafts Quotes

"Oh!" said my aunt, "I was not aware at first to whom I had the pleasure of objecting."

5 years ago

Message Copied

Tags : Charles Dickens Quotes , Funny Quotes , Humorous Quotes

Give a small boy a hammer and he will find that everything he encounters needs pounding.

6 years ago

Message Copied

Tags : Abraham Kaplan Quotes , Children Quotes , Humorous Quotes

" ... It is not my desire to wound the feelings of any person with whom I am connected in family bonds. I may be a hypocrite," said Mr. Pecksniff, cuttingly, "but I am not a brute."

5 years ago

Message Copied

Tags : Charles Dickens Quotes , Funny Quotes , Humorous Quotes

The funniest things are the forbidden.

6 years ago

Message Copied

Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Funny Quotes , Humorous Quotes

I never said all Democrats were saloonkeepers. What I said was that all saloonkeepers are Democrats.

5 years ago

Message Copied

Tags : Ambrose Bierce Quotes , Funny Quotes , Humorous Quotes

A God who cannot smile, could not have created this humorous universe.

5 years ago

Message Copied

Tags : Sri Aurobindo Quotes , God Quotes , Humorous Quotes

There is, in fact, no law or government at all; and it is wonderful how well things go on without them.

5 years ago

Message Copied

Tags : Lord Byron Quotes , Funny Quotes , Humorous Quotes

... Take another glass of wine, and excuse my mentioning that society as a body does not expect one to be so strictly conscientious in emptying one's glass, as to turn it bottom upwards with the rim on one's nose.

5 years ago

Message Copied

Tags : Charles Dickens Quotes , Funny Quotes , Humorous Quotes

Here is the piece. If you can't say fornicate can you say copulate or if not that can you say co-habit? If not that would have to say consummate I suppose. Use your own good taste and judgment.

5 years ago

Message Copied

Tags : Ernest Hemingway Quotes , Funny Quotes , Humorous Quotes