Ambrose Bierce Quotes, Wine Quotes, Sacrifice Quotes

Hail, high Excess especially in wine, To thee in worship do I bend the knee Who preach abstemiousness unto me My skull thy pulpit, as my paunch thy shrine. Precept on precept, aye, and line on line, Could ne'er persuade so sweetly to agree With reason as thy touch, exact and free, Upon my forehead and along my spine. At thy command eschewing pleasure's cup, With the hot grape I warm no more my wit; When on thy stool of penitence I sit I'm quite converted, for I can't get up. Ungrateful he who afterward would falter To make new sacrifices at thine altar!

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HOMŒOPATHIST, n. The humorist of the medical profession.

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War is God's way of teaching Americans geography.

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Bride: A woman with a fine prospect of happiness behind her.

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Dance, v.i. To leap about to the sound of tittering music, preferably with arms about your neighbor's wife or daughter. There are many kinds of dances, but all those requiring the participation of the two sexes have two characteristics in common: they are conspicuously innocent, and warmly loved by the vicious.

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Eulogy. Praise of a person who has either the advantages of wealth and power, or the consideration to be dead.

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Before undergoing a surgical operation, arrange your temporal affairs. You may live.

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God alone knows the future, but only an historian can alter the past.

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LIFE, n. A spiritual pickle preserving the body from decay. We live in daily apprehension of its loss; yet when lost it is not missed.

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REDEMPTION, n. Deliverance of sinners from the penalty of their sin, through their murder of the deity against whom they sinned . . . . whoso believeth in it shall not perish, but have everlasting life in which to try to understand it.

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Slang is a foul pool at which every dunce fills his bucket, and then sets up as a fountain.

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REVIEW, v.t. To set your wisdom (holding not a doubt of it./ Although in truth there's neither bone nor skin to it)/ At work upon a book, and so read out of it/ The qualities that you have first read into it.

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There would be far fewer accidents if we could only teach telephone poles to be more careful.

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When God makes a beautiful woman, the devil opens a new register.

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NOVEL, n. A short story padded.

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When lost in a forest go always down hill. When lost in a philosophy or doctrine go upward.

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Backbite: To ''speak of a man as you find him'' when he can't find you.

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Distance, n. The only thing that the rich are willing for the poor to call theirs and keep.

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Patience, n. A minor form of dispair, disguised as a virtue.

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WINE, n.Fermented grape-juice known to the Women's Christian Union as "liquor," sometimes as "rum." Wine, madam, is God's next best gift to man.

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