Ambrose Bierce Quotes, Important Quotes, Existence Quotes

MATERIAL, adj. Having an actual existence, as distinguished from an imaginary one. Important.

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OVATION, n. n ancient Rome, a definite, formal pageant in honor of one who had been disserviceable to the enemies of the nation. A lesser "triumph."

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INTENTION, n. The mind's sense of the prevalence of one set of influences over another set; an effect whose cause is the imminence, immediate or remote, of the performance of an involuntary act.

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ROPE, n. An obsolescent appliance for reminding assassins that they too are mortal. It is put about the neck and remains in place one's whole life long.

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Take not God's name in vain; select a time when it will have effect.

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ENVY, n. Emulation adapted to the meanest capacity.

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READING, n. The general body of what one reads. In our country it consists, as a rule, of Indiana novels, short stories in "dialect" and humor in slang.

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PLEBEIAN, n. An ancient Roman who in the blood of his country stained nothing but his hands. Distinguished from the Patrician, who was a saturated solution.

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prospect, n. An outlook, usually forbidding. An expectation, usually forbidden.

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Trial. A formal inquiry designed to prove and put upon record the blameless characters of judges, advocates and jurors.

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POCKET, n. The cradle of motive and the grave of conscience. In woman this organ is lacking; so she acts without motive, and her conscience, denied burial, remains ever alive, confessing the sins of others.

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Homicide, /n./ The slaying of one human by another. There are four kinds of homicide: felonious, excusable, justifiable, and praiseworthy, but it makes no great difference to the person slain whether he died by one kind or another - the classification is for the advantage of the lawyers.

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When you have made a catalogue of your friend's faults it is only fair to supply him with a duplicate, so that he may know yours.

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DEPENDENT, adj. Reliant upon another's generosity for the support which you are not in a position to exact from his fears.

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DEBT, n. An ingenious substitute for the chain and whip of the slave-driver. As, pent in an aquarium, the troutlet Swims round and round his tank to find an outlet, Pressing his nose against the glass that holds him, Nor ever sees the prison that enfolds him; So the poor debtor, seeing naught around him, Yet feels the narrow limits that impound him, Grieves at his debt and studies to evade it, And finds at last he might as well have paid it.

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Rhubarb: essence of stomach ache.

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NECTAR, n. A drink served at banquets of the Olympian deities. The secret of its preparation is lost, but the modern Kentuckians believe that they come pretty near to a knowledge of its chief ingredient.

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Infidel, n. In New York, one who does not believe in the Christian religion; in Constantinople, one who does.

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Abstainer: a weak person who yields to the temptation of denying himself a pleasure.

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UNITARIAN, n. One who denies the divinity of a Trinitarian.

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