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Funny Quotes
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Funny Quotes 957
- Only the shallow know themselves.
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Tags : Oscar Wilde Quotes , Funny Quotes , Life Quotes
- My toughest fight was with my first wife.
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Tags : Muhammad Ali Quotes , Funny Quotes , Sports Quotes
- The difference between screwing around and science is writing it down.
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Tags : Adam Savage Quotes , Funny Quotes , Writing Quotes
- I hate women because they always know where things are.
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Tags : Voltaire Quotes , Inspirational Quotes , Funny Quotes
- Water, water, everywhere, And all the boards did shrink; Water, water, everywhere, Nor any drop to drink.
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Tags : Samuel Taylor Coleridge Quotes , Inspirational Quotes , Funny Quotes
- In the majority of cases, conscience is an elastic and very flexible article
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Tags : Charles Dickens Quotes , Funny Quotes , Humorous Quotes
- A dictatorship would be a heck of a lot easier, there's no question about it.
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Tags : George W. Bush Quotes , Funny Quotes , Sarcastic Quotes
- Home is the place where, when you have to go there, they have to take you in.
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Tags : Robert Frost Quotes , Funny Quotes , Family Quotes
- To lose one parent may be regarded as a misfortune; to lose both looks like carelessness.
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Tags : Oscar Wilde Quotes , Funny Quotes , Family Quotes
- A pessimist is a man who thinks everybody is as nasty as himself, and hates them for it.
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Tags : George Bernard Shaw Quotes , Inspirational Quotes , Funny Quotes
- I find that the further I go back, the better things were, whether they happened or not.
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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Funny Quotes , Sarcastic Quotes
- But Rosa soon made the discovery that Miss Twinkleton didn't read fairly. She cut the love-scenes, interpolated passages in praise of female celibacy, and was guilty of other glaring pious frauds.
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Tags : Charles Dickens Quotes , Funny Quotes , Humorous Quotes
- Nothing spoils a good story like the arrival of an eyewitness.
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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Funny Quotes , Hilarious Quotes
- Everyone keeps saying, "Oh my God, oh my God, how intimidating." It's like saying, "How could you date Jennifer Aniston after she's been with Brad Pitt?" I don't care.
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Tags : Adam Carolla Quotes , Funny Quotes , Humor Quotes
- What is a husband? He is the one who, with a touch, can bring back the starlight and glow of years long ago. At least he hopes he can - don't disappoint him.
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Tags : Alan Beck Quotes , Funny Quotes , Husband Quotes
- Good friends, good books and a sleepy conscience: this is the ideal life.
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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Funny Quotes , Life Quotes
- I would have written a shorter letter, but I did not have the time.
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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Funny Quotes , Time Quotes