Mark Twain Quotes, Sobriety Quotes, Morality Quotes

What marriage is to morality, a properly conducted licensed liquor traffic is to sobriety.

6 years ago

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Sobriety Quotes , Morality Quotes

My father and I were always on the most distant terms when I was a boy--a sort of armed neutrality, so to speak. At irregular intervals this neutrality was broken, and suffering ensued; but I will be candid enough to say that the breaking and the suffering were always divided up with strict impartiality between us--which is to say, my father did the breaking, and I did the suffering.

6 years ago

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Father Quotes , Boys Quotes

Apparently one of the most uncertain things in the world is the funeral of a religion.

6 years ago

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Funeral Quotes , Religion Quotes

The fact is, the king was a good deal more than a king, he was a man; and when a man is a man, you can't knock it out of him.

6 years ago

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Kings Quotes , Men Quotes

A man can be a Christian or a patriot, but he can't legally be a Christian and a patriot - except in the usual way: one of the two with the mouth, the other with the heart.

6 years ago

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Christian Quotes , Heart Quotes

The difference between fiction and nonfiction is that fiction must be absolutely believable.

6 years ago

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Differences Quotes , Fiction Quotes

It is easy to find fault, if one has that disposition. There was once a man who, not being able to find any other fault with his coal, complained that there were too many prehistoric toads in it.

6 years ago

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Animal Quotes , Men Quotes

We grant God the possession of all the qualities of mind except the one that keeps the others healthy; that watches over their dignity; that focuses their vision true--humor.

6 years ago

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , God Quotes , Healthy Quotes

You must not pay a person a compliment, and then straightway follow it with a criticism.

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Criticism Quotes , Pay Quotes

If God is what people say there can be no one in the universe so unhappy as He; for He sees unceasingly myriads of His creatures suffering unspeakable miseries--and besides this foresees how they are going to suffer during the remainder of their lives. One might as well say, "As unhappy as God."

6 years ago

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , God Quotes , People Quotes

Unexpected money is a delight. The same sum is a bitterness when you expected more.

6 years ago

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Money Quotes , Bitterness Quotes

Love is not a product of reasonings and statistics. It just comes-none knows whence-and cannot explain itself.

6 years ago

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Love Quotes , Knowing Quotes

You want to be very careful about lying; otherwise you are nearly sure to get caught.

6 years ago

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Lying Quotes , Want Quotes

A German joke is no laughing matter.

6 years ago

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Laughing Quotes , Matter Quotes

A banker is a fellow who lends you his umbrella when the sun is shining, but wants it back the minute it begins to rain.

6 years ago

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Funny Quotes , Motivational Quotes

Kindness is a language herd by deaf men and felt by blind men.

6 years ago

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Relationship Quotes , Kindness Quotes

There is a great difference between feeding parties to wild beasts and stirring up their finer feelings in an inquisition. One is the system of degraded barbarians, the other of enlightened civilized people.

6 years ago

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Party Quotes , Civilization Quotes

I've never let my school interfere with my education.

6 years ago

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Inspirational Quotes , Graduation Quotes

When an audience does not complain, it is a compliment, and when it does, it is a compliment, too, if unaccompanied by violence.

6 years ago

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Doe Quotes , Complaining Quotes

If we were meant to talk more than listen, we would have two mouths and one ear.

6 years ago

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Motivational Quotes , Educational Quotes