Mark Twain Quotes, Laughing Quotes, Matter Quotes

A German joke is no laughing matter.

5 years ago

Message Copied

Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Laughing Quotes , Matter Quotes

If you don't read the newspaper, you're uninformed. If you read the newspaper, you're mis-informed.

5 years ago

Message Copied

Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Inspirational Quotes , Funny Quotes

When I'm playful I use the meridians of longitude and parallels of latitude for a seine, and drag the Atlantic Ocean for whales. I scratch my head with the lightning and purr myself to sleep with the thunder.

5 years ago

Message Copied

Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Ocean Quotes , Creativity Quotes

I wonder if God created man because He was disappointed with the monkey.

5 years ago

Message Copied

Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Men Quotes , Monkeys Quotes

Fleas can be taught nearly anything a congressman can.

5 years ago

Message Copied

Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Politics Quotes , Fleas Quotes

The calamity that comes is never the one we had prepared ourselves for.

5 years ago

Message Copied

Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Calamity Quotes

It is my heart-warmed and world-embracing Christmas hope and aspiration that all of us, the high, the low, the rich, the poor, the admired, the despised, the loved, the hated, the civilized, the savage (every man and brother of us all throughout the whole earth), may eventually be gathered together in a heaven of everlasting rest and peace and bliss, except the inventor of the telephone.

5 years ago

Message Copied

Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Brother Quotes , Heart Quotes

But death was sweet, death was gentle, death was kind; death healed the bruised spirit and the broken heart, and gave them rest and forgetfulness; death was man’s best friend; when man could endure life no longer, death came and set him free.

5 years ago

Message Copied

Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Sweet Quotes , Heart Quotes

Two days overdue, THE WORLD'S WORK has not reached me. Pray make a note of this. I would rather not have to resort to violence.

5 years ago

Message Copied

Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Work Quotes , Two Quotes

The man who is ostentatious of his modesty is twin to the statue that wears a fig-leaf.

5 years ago

Message Copied

Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Inspirational Quotes , Men Quotes

We write frankly and freely, but then we modify before we print.

5 years ago

Message Copied

Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Writing Quotes , Censorship Quotes

I am an anti-imperialist. I am opposed to having the eagle put its talons on any other land.

5 years ago

Message Copied

Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , War Quotes , Eagles Quotes

France has neither winter nor summer nor morals. Apart from these drawbacks it is a fine country.

5 years ago

Message Copied

Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Summer Quotes , Country Quotes

We laugh and laugh. Then cry and cry- Then feebler laugh, Then die.

5 years ago

Message Copied

Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Laughing Quotes , Cry Quotes

The country is the real thing, the substantial thing, the eternal thing, it is the thing to watch over and care for and be loyal to; institutions are extraneous. . . .

5 years ago

Message Copied

Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Country Quotes , Real Quotes

...majority Patriotism is the customary Patriotism.

5 years ago

Message Copied

Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Patriotism Quotes

If we read the words and attitudes of the past through the pompous "wisdom" of the considered moral judgments of the present, we will find nothing but error.

5 years ago

Message Copied

Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Attitude Quotes , Past Quotes

If you tell the truth, you don't have to remember anything.

5 years ago

Message Copied

Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Life Quotes , Cheating Quotes

When I reflect upon the number of disagreeable people who I know have gone to a better world, I am moved to lead a different life.

5 years ago

Message Copied

Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Numbers Quotes , People Quotes

I was dead for millions of years before I was born and it never inconvenienced me a bit.

5 years ago

Message Copied

Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Death Quotes , Suicide Quotes