Mark Twain Quotes, Death Quotes, Nice Quotes

If you've got a nice fresh corpse, fetch him out!

6 years ago

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Death Quotes , Nice Quotes

Word it as softly as you please, the spirit of patriotism is the spirit of the dog and wolf. The moment there is a misunderstanding about a boundary line or a hamper of fish or some other squalid matter, see patriotism rise, and hear him split the universe with is war-whoop. The spirit of patriotism being in its nature jealous and selfish, is just in man's line, it comes natural to him - he can live up to all its requirements to the letter; but the spirit of Christianity is not in its entirety possible to him.

6 years ago

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Dog Quotes , Selfish Quotes

If there was two birds sitting on a fence, he would bet you which one would fly first.

6 years ago

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Two Quotes , Bird Quotes

Really, what we want now, is not laws against crime, but a law against insanity. That is where the true evil lies.

6 years ago

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Lying Quotes , True Evil Quotes

I haven't any right to criticize books, and I don't do it except when I hate them. I often want to criticize Jane Austen, but her books madden me so that I can't conceal my frenzy from the reader; and therefore I have to stop every time I begin. Every time I read Pride and Prejudice I want to dig her up and beat her over the skull with her own shin-bone.

6 years ago

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Hate Quotes , Book Quotes

Never allow someone to be your priority while allowing yourself to be their option.

6 years ago

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Life Quotes , Broken Heart Quotes

I take my only exercise acting as a pallbearer at the funerals of my friends who exercise regularly.

6 years ago

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Funny Friendship Quotes , Exercise Quotes

What God lacks is convictions- stability of character. He ought to be a Presbyterian or a Catholic or something- not try to be everything.

6 years ago

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , God Quotes , Atheist Quotes

Only a government that is rich and safe can afford to be a democracy, for democracy is the most expensive and nefarious kind of government ever heard of on earth

6 years ago

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Inspiration Quotes , Government Quotes

Optimist: day-dreamer in his small clothes.

6 years ago

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Optimistic Quotes , Clothes Quotes

A great, great deal has been said about the weather, but very little has ever been done.

6 years ago

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Weather Quotes , Littles Quotes

The secret of making progress is to get started.

6 years ago

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Secret Quotes

Human pride is not worthwhile; there is always something lying in wait to take the wind out of it.

6 years ago

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Lying Quotes , Pride Quotes

Every man is a moon and has a side which he turns toward nobody: you have to slip around behind it if you want to see it.

6 years ago

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Moon Quotes , Men Quotes

Truth is stranger than fiction-to some people, but I am measurably familiar with it.

6 years ago

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Truth Quotes , People Quotes

If you shamefully misuse a cat once she will always maintain a dignified reserve toward you afterward. You will never get her full confidence again.

6 years ago

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Cat Quotes , Misuse Quotes

You can't make a life over. Society wouldn't let you if you would.

6 years ago

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Life Quotes , Society Quotes

Books are for people who wish they were somewhere else.

6 years ago

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Book Quotes , Somewhere Else Quotes

An uneasy conscience is a hair in the mouth.

6 years ago

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Hair Quotes , Mouths Quotes

What is the most rigorous law of our being? Growth.

6 years ago

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Law Quotes