Mark Twain Quotes, Men Quotes, Conceited Quotes

If there is one thing that will make a man peculiarly and insufferable self-conceited, it is to have his stomach behave itself, the first day at sea, when nearly all his comrades are seasick.

6 years ago

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Men Quotes , Conceited Quotes

If you are with the quality, or at a funeral, or trying to go to sleep when you ain't sleepy - if you are anywheres where it won't do for you to scratch, why you will itch all over in upwards of a thousand places.

6 years ago

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Sleep Quotes , Funeral Quotes

Don't look at the world with your hands in your pockets. To write about it you have to reach out and touch it.

6 years ago

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Writing Quotes , Hands Quotes

It is no harm to be an ass, if one is content to bray and not kick.

6 years ago

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Funny Quotes , Humorous Quotes

If smoking cigars is not permitted in heaven, I won''t go.

6 years ago

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Heaven Quotes , Smoking Quotes

Don't tell fish stories where the people know you; but particularly, don't tell them where they know the fish.

6 years ago

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Inspiration Quotes , Fishing Quotes

Peace by persuasion has a pleasant sound, but I think we should not be able to work it. We should have to tame the human race first, and history seems to show that that cannot be done.

6 years ago

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Peace Quotes , Thinking Quotes

Man has imagined a heaven, and has left entirely out of it the supremest of all his delights...sexual intercourse!...His heaven is like himself: strange, interesting, astonishing, grotesque. I give you my word, it has not a single feature in it that he actually values.

6 years ago

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Sex Quotes , Men Quotes

Adam was the author of sin, and I wish he had taken out an international copyright on it.

6 years ago

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Taken Quotes , Wish Quotes

There are no standards of taste in wine... Each man's own taste is the standard, and a majority vote cannot decide for him or in any slightest degree affect the supremacy of his own standard.

6 years ago

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Food Quotes , Wine Quotes

Do you reckon Tom Sawyer was satisfied after all them adventures?

6 years ago

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Book Quotes , Adventure Quotes

If you don't know how to pronounce a word, say it loudly. Do not compound mispronunciation with inaudibility

6 years ago

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Compounds Quotes , Knows Quotes

A mighty porterhouse steak an inch and a half thick, hot and sputtering from the griddle; dusted with fragrant pepper; enriched with little melting bits of butter of the most impeachable freshness and genuineness; the precious juices of the meat trickling out and joining the gravy, archipelagoed with mushrooms; a township or two of tender, yellowish fat gracing an out-lying district of this ample county of beefsteak; the long white bone which divides the sirloin from the tenderloin still in its place.

6 years ago

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Lying Quotes , Mushrooms Quotes

Principles aren't of much account anyway, except at election time. After that you hang them up to let them season.

6 years ago

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Principles Quotes , Election Time Quotes

You may honestly feel grateful that homeopathy survived the attempts of the allopaths (orthodoxy) to destroy it.

6 years ago

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Grateful Quotes , Dark Quotes

She kept up her compliments, and I kept up my determination to deserve them or die.

6 years ago

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Determination Quotes , Compliment Quotes

We don't care to eat toadstools that think they are truffles.

6 years ago

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Food Quotes , Thinking Quotes

What work I have done I have done because it has been play. If it had been work I shouldn't have done it.

6 years ago

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Business Quotes , Play Quotes

Never let formal education get in the way of your learning.

6 years ago

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Education Quotes , Learning Quotes

There is more real pleasure to be gotten out of a malicious act, where your heart is in it, than out of thirty acts of a nobler sort.

6 years ago

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Real Quotes , Heart Quotes