Mark Twain Quotes, Funny Quotes, Humorous Quotes

It is no harm to be an ass, if one is content to bray and not kick.

6 years ago

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Funny Quotes , Humorous Quotes

A successful book is not made of what is in it, but what is left out of it.

6 years ago

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Book Quotes , Writing Quotes

The Bible has noble poetry in it... and some good morals and a wealth of obscenity, and upwards of a thousand lies.

6 years ago

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Inspirational Quotes , Life Quotes

But old fools is the biggest fools there is.

6 years ago

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What are the proper proportions of a maxim? A minimum of sound to a maximum of sense.

6 years ago

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Inspirational Quotes , Sarcastic Quotes

Patriotism is merely a religion-love of country, worship of country, devotion to the country's flag and honor and welfare.

6 years ago

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Country Quotes , Patriotism Quotes

A marriage. . .will give a new gladness to the sunshine, a new fragrance to the flowers, a new beauty to the earth, and a new mystery to life.

6 years ago

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Soulmate Quotes , Flower Quotes

I am personally acquainted with hundreds of journalists, and the opinion of the majority of them would not be worth tuppence in private, but when they speak in print it is the newspaper that is talking (the pygmy scribe is not visible) and then their utterances shake the community like the thunders of prophecy.

6 years ago

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Media Quotes , Talking Quotes

If the world comes to an end, I want to be in Cincinnati. Everything comes there ten years later.

6 years ago

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Years Quotes , America Quotes

All you drunkards: Put down the intoxicating Vanity Metrics.

6 years ago

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Vanity Quotes , Metrics Quotes

Wherefore being all of one mind, we do highly resolve that government of the grafted by the grafter for the grafter shall not perish from the earth.

6 years ago

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Government Quotes , Mind Quotes

I was born with Halley's Comet and I expect to die upon its return

6 years ago

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Astrology Quotes , Return Quotes

I told you this would happen. But, no, you had to go for the buffet, didn't you?

6 years ago

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Buffets Quotes

The low level which commercial morality has reached in America is deplorable. We have humble God fearing Christian men among us who will stoop to do things for a million dollars that they ought not to be willing to do for less than 2 millions.

6 years ago

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Christian Quotes , Humble Quotes

A healthy and wholesome cheerfulness is not necessarily impossible to any occupation.

6 years ago

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Healthy Quotes , Occupation Quotes

Experience is an author's most valuable asset; experience is the thing that puts the muscle and the breath and the warm blood into the book he writes.

6 years ago

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Book Quotes , Writing Quotes

One thing at a time, is my motto - and just play that thing for all it is worth, even if it's only tto pair and a jack.

6 years ago

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Inspirational Quotes , Determination Quotes

The easy part of being an artist is figuring out the message that everyone else is ready to hear. The hard part is waiting for the proper lull to make the announcement.

6 years ago

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Artist Quotes , Waiting Quotes

A man is accepted into a church for what he believes and he is turned out for what he knows.

6 years ago

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Religious Quotes , Atheist Quotes

Damn the subjunctive. It brings all our writers to shame.

6 years ago

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Shame Quotes , Grammar Quotes