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  • Mark Twain Quotes   2407
  • As for the dinosaur - But Noah's conscience was easy; it was not named in his cargo list and he and the boys were not aware that there was such a creature. He said he could not blame himself for not knowing about the dinosaur, because it was an American animal and America had not then been discovered.
    • 6 years ago



    Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Animal Quotes , Boys Quotes
  • Next you'd see a raft sliding by, away off yonder, and maybe a galoot on it chopping. . . you'd see the ax flash and come down-you don't hear nothing; you see the ax go up again, and by the time it's above the man's head then you hear the k'chunk!-it had took all that time to come over the water.
    • 6 years ago



    Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Math Quotes , Science Quotes
  • Jesus died to save men - a small thing for an immortal to do - and didn't save many, anyway. But if he had been damned for the race, that would have been act of a size proper to a god, and would have saved the whole race.
    • 6 years ago



    Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Jesus Quotes , Men Quotes
  • A big leather-bound volume makes an ideal razorstrap. A thing book is useful to stick under a table with a broken caster to steady it. A large, flat atlas can be used to cover a window with a broken pane. And a thick, old-fashioned heavy book with a clasp is the finest thing in the world to throw at a noisy cat.
    • 6 years ago



    Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Book Quotes , Cat Quotes
  • I pity the fellow who has to create a dialect or paraphrase the dictionary to get laughs. I can't spell, but I have never stooped to spell cat with a 'k' to get at your funny bone. I love a drink, but I never encouraged drunkenness by harping on its alleged funny side.
    • 6 years ago



    Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Humor Quotes , Cat Quotes
  • Wherefore, I beseech you let the dog and the onions and these people of the strange and godless names work out their several salvations from their piteous and wonderful difficulties without help of mine, for indeed their trouble is sufficient as it is, whereas an I tried to help I should but damage their cause the more and yet mayhap not live myself to see the desolation wrought.
    • 6 years ago



    Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Dog Quotes , Math Quotes