Mark Twain Quotes

Let us save the tomorrows for work.

6 years ago

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Politicians and diapers must be changed often, and for the same reason.

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I don't believe there is anything in the whole earth that you can't learn in Berlin except the German language.

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Conservatism is the blind and fear-filled worship of dead radicals.

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Men are more compassionate/(nobler)/magnanimous/generous than God; for men forgive their dead, but God does not.

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Of the demonstrably wise there are but two: those who commit suicide, & those who keep their reasoning faculties atrophied with drink.

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Heaven goes by favor. If it went by merit, you would stay out and your dog would go in.

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A country without a patent office and good patent laws is just a crab, and can't travel any way but sideways and backways.

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I found out that I was a Christian for revenue only and I could not bear the thought of that, it was so ignoble.

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Man seems to be a rickety poor sort of thing, any way you take him; a kind of British Museum of infirmities and inferiorities. He is always undergoing repairs. A machine that was as unreliable as he is would have no market.

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Are you so unobservant as not to have found out that sanity and happiness are an impossible combination?

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It usually takes me more than three weeks to prepare a good impromptu speech.

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Don't use a five-dollar word when a fifty-cent word will do.

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Principles have no real force except when one is well-fed.

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I don't believe any of you have ever read Paradise Lost, and you don't want to. That's something that you just want to take on trust. It's a classic ... something that everybody wants to have read and nobody wants to read.

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Trust Quotes , Believe Quotes

Suppose . . . burglars had made entry into this . . . [library]. Picture them seated here on this floor, pouring the light of their dark-lanterns over some books they found, and thus absorbing moral truths and getting moral uplift. The whole course of their lives would have been changed. As it was, they kept straight on in their immoral way and were sent to jail. For all I know, they may next be sent to Congress.

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If you are with the quality, or at a funeral, or trying to go to sleep when you ain't sleepy - if you are anywheres where it won't do for you to scratch, why you will itch all over in upwards of a thousand places.

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I hope all of us may eventually be together in everlasting peace and bliss -- except the inventor of the #‎ telephone .

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Satan (impatiently) to Newcomer: The trouble with you Chicago people is, that you think you are the best people down here; whereas you are merely the most numerous.

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Epitaphs are cheap, and they do a poor chap a world of good after he is dead, especially if he had hard luck while he was alive. I wish they were used more.

6 years ago

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