Ambrose Bierce Quotes, Recalls Quotes

recollect, v. To recall with additions something not previously known.

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Bigamy, n. A mistake in taste for which the wisdom of the future will adjudge a punishment called trigamy.

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Happiness is lost by criticizing it; sorrow by accepting it.

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Patience, n. A minor form of dispair, disguised as a virtue.

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He laughs best who laughs least.

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critic, n. A person who boasts himself hard to please because nobody tries to please him.

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Eloquence, n. The art of orally persuading fools that white is the color that it appears to be. It includes the gift of making any color appear white.

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RATTLESNAKE, n. Our prostrate brother, "Homo ventrambulans".

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DECIDE, v.i. To succumb to the preponderance of one set of influences over another set.

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REDEMPTION, n. Deliverance of sinners from the penalty of their sin, through their murder of the deity against whom they sinned . . . . whoso believeth in it shall not perish, but have everlasting life in which to try to understand it.

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PALM, n. A species of tree . . . of which the familiar "itching palm" ("Palma hominis") is most widely distributed . . . . This noble vegetable exudes a kind of invisible gum, which may be detected by applying to the bark a piece of gold or silver.

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Slang is the speech of him who robs the literary garbage carts on their way to the dumps.

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Hope is an explorer who surveys the country ahead. That is why we know so much about the Hereafter and so little about the Heretofore.

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Molecule, n.: The ultimate, indivisible unit of matter. It is distinguished from the corpuscle, also the ultimate, indivisible unit of matter, by a closer resemblance to the atom, also the ultimate, indivisible unit of matter ... The ion differs from the molecule, the corpuscle and the atom in that it is an ion.

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REAR, n. In American military matters, that exposed part of the army that is nearest to Congress.

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Adolescence: A stage between infancy and adultery.

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ULTIMATUM, n. In diplomacy, a last demand before resorting to concessions.

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Pantheism, n. The doctrine that everything is God, in contradistinction to the doctrine that God is everything.

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I think I think, therefore I think I am.

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DEINOTHERIUM, n. An extinct pachyderm that flourished when the Pterodactyl was in fashion. The latter was a native of Ireland, its name being pronounced Terry Dactyl or Peter O'Dactyl, as the man pronouncing it may chance to have heard it spoken or seen it printed.

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