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Ambrose Bierce Quotes
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Ambrose Bierce Quotes 976
- Feast, n. A festival. A religious celebration usually signalized by gluttony and drunkenness, frequently in honor of some holy person distinguished for abstemiousness.
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Tags : Ambrose Bierce Quotes , Religious Quotes , Food Quotes
- A person who doubts himself is like a man who would enlist in the ranks of his enemies and bear arms agains himself. He makes his failure certain by himself being the first person to be convinced of it.
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- RESPIRATOR, n. An apparatus fitted over the nose and mouth of an inhabitant of London, whereby to filter the visible universe in its passage to the lungs.
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- A total abstainer is one who abstains from everything but abstention, and especially from inactivity in the affairs of others.
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- MONOSYLLABIC, adj. Composed of words of one syllable . . . Commonly Saxon - that is to say, words of a barbarous people destitute of ideas and incapable of any but the most elementary sentiments and emotions.
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- ANTIPATHY, n. The sentiment inspired by one's friend's friend.
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- The furrier gets the skins of more foxes than asses.
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- DELUGE, n. A notable first experiment in baptism which washed away the sins (and sinners) of the world.
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- Children who have proven themselves to be incorrigible by the age of twelve should be quickly and quietly beheaded, lest they grow to maturity, marry, and perpetuate the likeness of their being.
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Tags : Ambrose Bierce Quotes , Children Quotes , Maturity Quotes
- IMPALE, v.t. In popular usage, to pierce with any weapon which remains fixed in the wound . . . . properly, to put to death by thrusting an upright sharp stake into the body, the victim being left in a sitting position.
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- LUMINARY, One who throws light upon a subject; as an editor by not writing about it.
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- diplomacy, n.: The patriotic art of lying for one's country.
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- Trial. A formal inquiry designed to prove and put upon record the blameless characters of judges, advocates and jurors.
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- Hope is an explorer who surveys the country ahead. That is why we know so much about the Hereafter and so little about the Heretofore.
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- Dawn: When men of reason go to bed.
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- A leech who, having penetrated the shell of a turtle only to find that the creature has long been dead, deems it expedient to form a new attachment to a fresh turtle.
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- Incompatibility. In matrimony a similarity of tastes, particularly the taste for domination.
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- UNDERSTANDING, n. A cerebral secretion that enables one having it to know a house from a horse by the roof on the house. Its nature and laws have been exhaustively expounded by Locke, who rode a house, and Kant, who lived in a horse.
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- JOSS-STICKS- Small sticks burned by the Chinese in their pagan tomfoolery, in imitation of certain sacred rites of our holy religion.
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- CERBERUS, n. The watch-dog of Hades, whose duty it was to guard the entrance - against whom or what does not clearly appear; everybody, sooner or later, had to go there, and nobody wanted to carry off the entrance.
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Tags : Ambrose Bierce Quotes , Dog Quotes , Doe Quotes