Ambrose Bierce Quotes, Lying Quotes, Sadness Quotes

Immortality: A toy which people cry for, And on their knees apply for, Dispute, contend and lie for, And if allowed Would be right proud Eternally to die for.

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NON-COMBATANT, n. A dead Quaker.

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There's no free will," says the philosopher; "To hang is most unjust." "There is no free will," assents the officer; "We hang because we must.

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BRANDY, n. A cordial composed on one part thunder-and-lightning, one part remorse, two parts bloody murder, one part death-hell-and-the-grave and four parts clarified Satan.

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Revelation: a famous book in which St. John the Divine concealed all that he knew. The revealing is done by the commentators, who know nothing.

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FORMA PAUPERIS. [Latin] In the character of a poor person - a method by which a litigant without money for lawyers is considerately permitted to lose his case.

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PICKANINNY, n. The young of the "Procyanthropos", or "Americanus dominans". It is small, black and charged with political fatalities.

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Riot – A popular entertainment given to the military by innocent bystanders.

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BEGGAR, n. One who has relied on the assistance of his friends.

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HOSPITALITY, n. The virtue which induces us to feed and lodge certain persons who are not in need of food and lodging.

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A popular vote to ascertain the will of the sovereign.

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Pun: A form of wit, to which wise men stoop and fools aspire

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MAJESTY, n. The state and title of a king. Regarded with a just contempt by the Most Eminent Grand Masters, Grand Chancellors, Great Incohonees and Imperial Potentates of the ancient and honorable orders of republican America.

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Introduction - a social ceremony invented by the devil for the gratification of his servants and the plaguing of his enemies.

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The fact that boys are allowed to exist at all is evidence of remarkable Christian forbearance among men - were it not for a mawkish humanitarianism, coupled with imperfect digestive powers, we should devour our young, as Nature intended.

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Dentist: a prestidigitator who, putting metal into your mouth, pulls coin out of your pocket.

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Intolerance is natural and logical, for in every dissenting opinion lies an assumption of superior wisdom.

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Hail, high Excess especially in wine, To thee in worship do I bend the knee Who preach abstemiousness unto me My skull thy pulpit, as my paunch thy shrine. Precept on precept, aye, and line on line, Could ne'er persuade so sweetly to agree With reason as thy touch, exact and free, Upon my forehead and along my spine. At thy command eschewing pleasure's cup, With the hot grape I warm no more my wit; When on thy stool of penitence I sit I'm quite converted, for I can't get up. Ungrateful he who afterward would falter To make new sacrifices at thine altar!

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MOUTH, n. In man, the gateway to the soul; in woman, the outlet of the heart.

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plagiarism, n. A literary coincidence compounded of a discreditable priority and an honorable subsequence.

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Tags : Ambrose Bierce Quotes , Priorities Quotes , Coincidence Quotes