Ambrose Bierce Quotes, Saint Quotes, Saints And Sinners Quotes

Saint: A dead sinner revised and edited.

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GNU, n. An animal of South Africa, which in its domesticated state resembles a horse, a buffalo and a stag. In its wild condition it is something like a thunderbolt, an earthquake and a cyclone.

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CLOCK, n. A machine of great moral value to man, allaying his concern for the future by reminding him what a lot of time remains to him.

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We must stop chasing dollars, stop lying, stop cheating, stop ignoring art, literature, and all the refining agencies and instrumentalities of civilization.

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DECALOGUE, n. A series of commandments, ten in number - just enough to permit an intelligent selection for observance, but not enough to embarrass the choice.

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ELECTOR, n. One who enjoys the sacred privilege of voting for the man of another man's choice.

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Aborigines, n.: Persons of little worth found cumbering the soil of a newly discovered country. They soon cease to cumber; they fertilize.

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MAN, n. An animal so lost in rapturous contemplation of what he thinks he is as to overlook what he indubitably ought to be. His chief occupation is extermination of other animals and his own species, which, however, multiplies with such insistent rapidity as to infest the whole habitable earth and Canada.

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Self-evident, adj. Evident to one's self and to nobody else.

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OBLIVION, n. Cold storage for high hopes. A place where ambitious authors meet their works without pride and their betters without envy. A dormitory without an alarm clock.

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Crowned with leaves of the laurel. In England the Poet Laureate is an officer of the sovereign's court, acting as dancing skeleton at every royal feast and singing-mute at every royal funeral.

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Optimism - the doctrine or belief that everything is beautiful, including what is ugly.

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resolute, adj. Obstinate in a course that we approve.

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PRESBYTERIAN, n. One who holds the conviction that the government authorities of the Church should be called presbyters.

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An absolute monarchy is one in which the sovereign does as he pleases so long as he pleases the assassins.

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EJECTION, n. An approved remedy for the disease of garrulity. It is also much used in cases of extreme poverty.

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INCOMPATIBILITY, n. In matrimony a similarity of tastes, particularly the taste for domination. Incompatibility may, however, consist of a meek-eyed matron living just around the corner. It has even been known to wear a moustache.

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Laughter, n. An interior convulsion, producing a distortion of the features and accompanied by inarticulate noises. It is infectious and, though intermittent, incurable.

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moral, adj. Conforming to a local and mutable standard of right. Having the quality of general expediency.

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LINEN, n. "A kind of cloth the making of which, when made of hemp, entails a great waste of hemp."

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