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Ambrose Bierce Quotes
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Ambrose Bierce Quotes 976
- Turkey: A large bird whose flesh, when eaten on certain religious anniversaries has the peculiar property of attesting piety and gratitude.
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Tags : Ambrose Bierce Quotes , Thanksgiving Quotes , Gratitude Quotes
- Salamander: Originally a reptile inhabiting fire; later, an anthropomorphous immortal, but still a pyrophile. Salamanders are now believed to be extinct, the last one of which we have an account having been seen in Carcassonne by the Abbe Belloc, who exorcised it with a bucket of holy water.
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- REALISM, n. The art of depicting nature as it is seem by toads. The charm suffusing a landscape painted by a mole, or a story written by a measuring-worm.
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- ARSENIC, n. A kind of cosmetic greatly affected by the ladies, whom it greatly affects in turn.
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- An auctioneer is a man who proclaims with a hammer that he has picked a pocket with his tongue.
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- The speech of one who utters with his tongue what he thinks with his ear, and feels the pride of a creator in accomplishing the feat of a parrot. A means (under Providence) of setting up as a wit without a capital of sense.
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- Feast, n. A festival. A religious celebration usually signalized by gluttony and drunkenness, frequently in honor of some holy person distinguished for abstemiousness.
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- San Francisco is the place where most people were last seen
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- Cynicism is that blackguard defect of vision which compels us to see the world as it is, instead of as it should be.
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- A comely female inhabiting the Mohammedan Paradise to make things cheery for the good Mussulman, whose belief in her existence marks a noble discontent with his earthly spouse, whom he denies a soul.
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- PHYSICIAN, n. One upon whom we set our hopes when ill and our dogs when well.
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- TABLE D'HOTE, n. A caterer's thrifty concession to the universal passion for irresponsibility.
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- PRE-ADAMITE, n. One of an experimental and apparently unsatisfactory race of antedated Creation. . . . Little its known of them beyond the fact that they supplied Cain with a wife and theologians with a controversy.
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- A book which the Mohammedans foolishly believe to have been written by divine inspiration, but which Christians know to be a wicked imposture, contradictory to the Holy Scriptures.
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- PHILISTINE, n. One whose mind is the creature of its environment, following the fashion in thought, feeling and sentiment. He is sometimes learned, frequently prosperous, commonly clean and always solemn.
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- PLATONIC, adj. Pertaining to the philosophy of Socrates. Platonic Love is a fool's name for the affection between a disability and a frost.
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- Laughter, n. An interior convulsion, producing a distortion of the features and accompanied by inarticulate noises. It is infectious and, though intermittent, incurable.
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- Friendship: A ship big enough for two in fair weather, but only one in foul.
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- The fact that boys are allowed to exist at all is evidence of a remarkable Christian forebearance among men.
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- ZEUS /n./ The chief of Grecian gods, adored by the Romans as Jupiter and by the modern Americans as God, Gold, Mob and Dog.
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