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Ambrose Bierce Quotes
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Ambrose Bierce Quotes 976
- Christian - One who follows the teachings of Christ insofar as they are not inconsistent with a life of sin.
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- A book which the Mohammedans foolishly believe to have been written by divine inspiration, but which Christians know to be a wicked imposture, contradictory to the Holy Scriptures.
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- REVOLUTION, n. A bursting of the boilers which usually takes place when the safety valve of public discussion is closed.
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- ORATORY, n. A conspiracy between speech and action to cheat the understanding. A tyranny tempered by stenography.
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- MAGNETISM, n. Something acting upon a magnet. The two definitions immediately foregoing are condensed from the works of one thousand eminent scientists, who have illuminated the subject with a great white light, to the inexpressible advancement of human knowledge.
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- Academe, n.: An ancient school where morality and philosophy were taught. Academy, n.: A modern school where football is taught.
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- moral, adj. Conforming to a local and mutable standard of right. Having the quality of general expediency.
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- EXISTENCE, n. A transient, horrible, fantastic dream,/ Wherein is nothing yet all things do seem:/ From which we're wakened by a friendly nudge/ Of our bedfellow Death, and cry: "O fudge!"
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- Admiral. That part of a warship which does the talking while the figurehead does the thinking.
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- WALL STREET, n. A symbol for sin for every devil to rebuke. That Wall Street is a den of thieves is a belief that serves every unsuccessful thief in place of a hope in Heaven.
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- The Senate is a body of old men charged with high duties and misdemeanors.
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- GNU, n. An animal of South Africa, which in its domesticated state resembles a horse, a buffalo and a stag. In its wild condition it is something like a thunderbolt, an earthquake and a cyclone.
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- Heathen, n. A benighted creature who has the folly to worship something that he can see and feel.
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- ARENA, n. In politics, an imaginary rat-pit in which the statesman wrestles with his record.
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- MANICHEISM, n. The ancient Persian doctrine of an incessant warfare between Good and Evil. When Good gave up the fight the Persians joined the victorious Opposition.
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- Women and foxes, being weak, are distinguished by superior tact.
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- Age, with his eyes in the back of his head, thinks it wisdom to see the bogs through which he has floundered.
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- HYENA, n. A beast held in reverence by some oriental nations from its habit of frequenting at night the burial-places of the dead. But the medical student does that
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- OVATION, n. n ancient Rome, a definite, formal pageant in honor of one who had been disserviceable to the enemies of the nation. A lesser "triumph."
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- Ambidextrous, adj.: Able to pick with equal skill a right-hand pocket or a left.
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