Ambrose Bierce Quotes, Passion Quotes, Soul Quotes

Curiosity, n. An objectionable quality of the female mind. The desire to know whether or not a woman is cursed with curiosity is one of the most active and insatiable passions of the masculine soul.

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RADICALISM, n. The conservatism of to-morrow injected into the affairs of to-day.

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Insurrection. An unsuccessful revolution; disaffection's failure to substitute misrule for bad government.

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PHONOGRAPH, n. An irritating toy that restores life to dead noises.

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NOMINATE, v. To designate for the heaviest political assessment. To put forward a suitable person to incur the mudgobbling and deadcatting of the opposition.

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Coronation: The ceremony of investing a sovereign with the outward and visible signs of his divine right to be blown skyhigh with a dynamite bomb.

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moral, adj. Conforming to a local and mutable standard of right. Having the quality of general expediency.

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The speech of one who utters with his tongue what he thinks with his ear, and feels the pride of a creator in accomplishing the feat of a parrot. A means (under Providence) of setting up as a wit without a capital of sense.

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GUILLOTINE, n. A machine which makes a Frenchman shrug his shoulders with good reason.

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Uncommon extension of the fear of death.

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USAGE, n. The First Person of the literary Trinity, the Second and Third being Custom and Conventionality. Imbued with a decent reverence for this Holy Triad an industrious writer may hope to produce books that will live as long as the fashion.

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COMFORT, n. A state of mind produced by contemplation of a neighbor's uneasiness.

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Revolution, n. In politics, an abrupt change in the form of misgovernment.

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Death is a dignitary who when he comes announced is received with formal manifestations of respect, even by those most familiar with him. In the code of military etiquette silence and fixity are forms of deference

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EAT, v.i. To perform successively (and successfully) the functions of mastication, humectation, and deglutition.

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One of the greatest of poets, Coleridge was one of the wisest of men, and it was not for nothing that he read us this parable. Let us have a little less of "hands across the sea," and a little more of that elemental distrust that is the security of nations. War loves to come like a thief in the night; professions of eternal amity provide the night.

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Lottery: A tax on people who are bad at math.

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DIAPHRAGM, n. A muscular partition separating disorders of the chest from disorders of the bowels.

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NEWTONIAN, Pertaining to a philosophy of the universe invented by Newton, who discovered that an apple will fall to the ground, but was unable to say why. His successors and disciples have advanced so far as to be able to say when.

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Loquacity, n. A disorder which renders the sufferer unable to curb his tongue when you wish to talk.

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Tags : Ambrose Bierce Quotes , Wish Quotes , Tongue Quotes