Ambrose Bierce Quotes, Demand Quotes, Lasts Quotes

ULTIMATUM, n. In diplomacy, a last demand before resorting to concessions.

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FORMA PAUPERIS. [Latin] In the character of a poor person - a method by which a litigant without money for lawyers is considerately permitted to lose his case.

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RUSSIAN, n. A person with a Caucasian body and a Mongolian soul. A Tartar Emetic.

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Appetite, n. An instinct thoughtfully implanted by Providence as a solution to the labor question.

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Occident: The part of the world lying west (or east) of the Orient. It is largely inhabited by Christians, a powerful subtribe of the Hypocrites, whose principal industries are murder and cheating, which they are pleased to call war and commerce. These, also, are the principal industries of the Orient.

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Impartial - unable to perceive any promise of personal advantage from espousing either side of a controversy.

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He who thinks with difficulty believes with alacrity.

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COMFORT, n. A state of mind produced by contemplation of a neighbor's uneasiness.

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Heaven: A place where the wicked cease from troubling you with talk of their personal affairs, and the good listen with attention while you expound on yours.

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LINEN, n. "A kind of cloth the making of which, when made of hemp, entails a great waste of hemp."

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Fear has no brains; it is an idiot.

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Dentist: a prestidigitator who, putting metal into your mouth, pulls coin out of your pocket.

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Happiness is lost by criticizing it; sorrow by accepting it.

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A statesman who shakes the fruit trees of his neighbors - to dislodge the worms.

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If you want to read a perfect book there is only one way: write it.

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Respectability, n. The offspring of a liaison between a bald head and a bank account.

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X, n. In our alphabet being a needless letter has an added invincibility to the attacks of the spelling reformers, and like them, will doubtless last as long as the language.

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ILLUSTRIOUS, adj. Suitably placed for the shafts of malice, envy and detraction.

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INDIFFERENT, adj. Imperfectly sensible to distinctions among things.

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OPIATE, n. An unlocked door in the prison of Identity. It leads into the jail yard.

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