Ambrose Bierce Quotes, Death Quotes, Sitting Quotes

IMPALE, v.t. In popular usage, to pierce with any weapon which remains fixed in the wound . . . . properly, to put to death by thrusting an upright sharp stake into the body, the victim being left in a sitting position.

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Tags : Ambrose Bierce Quotes , Death Quotes , Sitting Quotes

SCARABAEUS, n. The sacred beetle of the ancient Egyptians, allied to our familiar "tumble-bug." It was supposed to symbolize immortality, the fact that God knew why giving it its peculiar sanctity. Its habit of incubating its eggs in a ball of ordure may also have commended it to the favor of the priesthood, and may some day assure it an equal reverence among ourselves. True, the American beetle is an inferior beetle, but the American priest is an inferior priest.

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Tags : Ambrose Bierce Quotes , Eggs Quotes , Giving Quotes

DIGESTION, n. The conversion of victuals into virtues. When the process is imperfect, vices are evolved instead - a circumstance from which that wicked writer, Dr. Jeremiah Blenn, infers that the ladies are the greater sufferers from dyspepsia.

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Tags : Ambrose Bierce Quotes , Science Quotes , Imperfection Quotes

TRUST, n. In American politics, a large corporation composed in greater part of thrifty working men, widows of small means, orphans in the care of guardians and the courts, with many similar malefactors and public enemies.

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Tags : Ambrose Bierce Quotes , Mean Quotes , Men Quotes

Pertaining to a certain order of architecture, otherwise known as Normal American. Most of the public buildings of the United States are of the Ramshackle order, though some of our earlier architects preferred the Ironic. Recent additions to the White House in Washington are Theo-Doric, the ecclesiastic order of the Dorians. They are exceedingly fine and cost one hundred dollars a brick.

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Tags : Ambrose Bierce Quotes , Order Quotes , White Quotes

A person who doubts himself is like a man who would enlist in the ranks of his enemies and bear arms agains himself. He makes his failure certain by himself being the first person to be convinced of it.

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Tags : Ambrose Bierce Quotes , Inspiring Quotes , Success Quotes

Electricity is the power that causes all natural phenomena not known to be caused by something else

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Abnormal, adj. Not conforming to standard. In matters of thought and conduct, to be independent is to be abnormal, to be abnormal is to be detested.

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Tags : Ambrose Bierce Quotes , Independent Quotes , Abnormal Quotes

IGNORAMUS, n. A person unacquainted with certain kinds of knowledge familiar to yourself, and having certain other kinds that you know nothing about.

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Tags : Ambrose Bierce Quotes , Knowledge Quotes , Science Quotes

PROVIDENTIAL, adj. Unexpectedly and conspicuously beneficial to the person so describing it.

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Tags : Ambrose Bierce Quotes , Unexpected Quotes , Persons Quotes

Responsibility, n. A detachable burden easily shifted to the shoulders of God, Fate, Fortune, Luck or one's neighbor. In the days of astrology it was customary to unload it upon a star.

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Debt, n. An ingenious substitute for the chain and whip of the slavedriver.

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Tags : Ambrose Bierce Quotes , Ties Quotes , Debtors Quotes

The poor man's price of admittance to the favor of the rich is his self-respect.

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PRICE, n. Value, plus a reasonable sum for the wear and tear of conscience in demanding it.

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ASS, n. A public singer with a good voice but no ear.

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Tags : Ambrose Bierce Quotes , Voice Quotes , Ears Quotes

GRAVE, n. A place in which the dead are laid to await the coming of the medical student.

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Tags : Ambrose Bierce Quotes , Science Quotes , Students Quotes

PROPHECY, n. The art and practice of selling one's credibility for future delivery.

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ELECTOR, n. One who enjoys the sacred privilege of voting for the man of another man's choice.

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NOISE, n. A stench in the ear. Undomesticated music. The chief product and authenticating sign of civilization.

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Tags : Ambrose Bierce Quotes , Music Quotes , Civilization Quotes

There's no free will," says the philosopher; "To hang is most unjust." "There is no free will," assents the officer; "We hang because we must.

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Tags : Ambrose Bierce Quotes , Unjust Quotes , Philosopher Quotes