Ambrose Bierce Quotes, Country Quotes, Stupid Quotes

Vote: the instrument and symbol of a freeman's power to make a fool of himself and a wreck of his country.

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INGRATE, n. One who receives a benefit from another, or is otherwise an object of charity.

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REASON, n. Propensitate of prejudice.

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To seek a justification for a decision already made.

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I keep a conscience uncorrupted by religion, a judgment undimmed by politics and patriotism, a heart untainted by friendships and sentiments unsoured by animosities.

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WIDOW, n. A pathetic figure that the Christian world has agreed to take humorously, although Christ's tenderness towards widows was one of the most marked features of his character.

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UNIVERSALIST, n. One who forgoes the advantage of a Hell for persons of another faith.

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Economy, n. Purchasing the barrel of whiskey that you do not need for the price of the cow that you cannot afford.

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CRAYFISH, n. A small crustacean very much resembling the lobster, but less indigestible.

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To the eye of failure success is an accident.

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Divorce: a resumption of diplomatic relations and rectification of boundaries.

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UGLINESS, n. A gift of the gods to certain women, entailing virtue without humility.

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DECALOGUE, n. A series of commandments, ten in number - just enough to permit an intelligent selection for observance, but not enough to embarrass the choice.

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HOMŒOPATHIST, n. The humorist of the medical profession.

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Miss, n. A title with which we brand unmarried women to indicate they are in the market. Miss, Misses (Mrs.) and Mister (Mr.) are the three most distinctly disagreeable words in the language, in sound and sense. Two are corruptions of Mistress, the other of Master. In the general abolition of social titles in this our country they miraculously escaped to plague us. If we must have them let us be consistent and give one to the unmarried man. I venture to suggest Mush, abbreviated to Mh.

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Academe, n.: An ancient school where morality and philosophy were taught. Academy, n.: A modern school where football is taught.

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Bore, n. A person who talks when you wish him to listen.

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REVIEW, v.t. To set your wisdom (holding not a doubt of it./ Although in truth there's neither bone nor skin to it)/ At work upon a book, and so read out of it/ The qualities that you have first read into it.

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PHILISTINE, n. One whose mind is the creature of its environment, following the fashion in thought, feeling and sentiment. He is sometimes learned, frequently prosperous, commonly clean and always solemn.

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URBANITY, n. The kind of civility that urban observers ascribe to dwellers in all cities but New York. Its commonest expression is heard in the words, "I beg your pardon," and it is not consistent with disregard of the rights of others.

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