Charles Dickens Quotes, Funny Quotes, Humorous Quotes

... Take another glass of wine, and excuse my mentioning that society as a body does not expect one to be so strictly conscientious in emptying one's glass, as to turn it bottom upwards with the rim on one's nose.

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Tags : Charles Dickens Quotes , Funny Quotes , Humorous Quotes

I observe the physician with the same diligence as the disease.

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Tags : John Donne Quotes , Funny Quotes , Humorous Quotes

I have made up my mind that I must have money, Pa. I feel that I can't beg it, borrow it, or steal it; and so I have resolved that I must marry it.

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Tags : Charles Dickens Quotes , Funny Quotes , Humorous Quotes

There are several kinds of stories, but only one difficult kind-the humorous.

6 years ago

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Humorous Quotes , Stories Quotes

His neighbor is a tooth-drawer. That bag at his girdle is full of the teeth that he drew at Winchester fair. I warrant that there are more sound ones than sorry, for he is quick at his work and a trifle dim in the eye.

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Tags : Arthur Conan Doyle Quotes , Sorry Quotes , Humorous Quotes

Living, as I do, in an educated and scientific atmosphere, I could not have conceived that the first principles of zoology were so little known. Is it possible that you do not know the elementary fact in comparative anatomy, that the wing of a bird is really the forearm, while the wing of a bat consists of three elongated fingers with membranes between?

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Tags : Arthur Conan Doyle Quotes , Humorous Quotes , Sarcasm Quotes

Even more exasperating than the guy who thinks he knows it all is the one who really does.

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Tags : Al Bernstein Quotes , Humorous Quotes , Knowledge Quotes

We have a criminal jury system which is superior to any in the world and it's efficiency is only marred by the difficulty of finding twelve men every day who don't know anything and can't read-

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Funny Quotes , Humorous Quotes

They spell it da Vinci and pronounce it da Vinchy. Foreigners always spell better than they pronounce.

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Travel Quotes , Humorous Quotes

I never said all Democrats were saloonkeepers. What I said was that all saloonkeepers are Democrats.

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Tags : Ambrose Bierce Quotes , Funny Quotes , Humorous Quotes

A doctor's reputation is made by the number of eminent men who die under his care.

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Tags : George Bernard Shaw Quotes , Funny Quotes , Humorous Quotes

In the course of my life, I have often had to eat my words, and I must confess that I have always found it a wholesome diet.

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Tags : Winston Churchill Quotes , Communication Quotes , Humorous Quotes

There are many humorous things in the world; among them, the white man's notion that he is less savage than the other savages.

6 years ago

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Humorous Quotes , Inspiration Quotes

Atlee is a very modest man. And with reason.

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Tags : Winston Churchill Quotes , Humorous Quotes , Men Quotes

Might I trouble you to open the window, for chloroform vapour does not help the palate.

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Tags : Arthur Conan Doyle Quotes , Humorous Quotes , Sarcasm Quotes

I'm pushing 60 years of age...and that's enough exercise for me.

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Humorous Quotes , Exercise Quotes

Thou slave, thou wretch, thou coward! Thou little valiant, great in villainy! Thou ever strong upon the stronger side! Thou Fortune's champion, that dost never fight But where her humorous ladyship is by To teach thee safety.

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Tags : William Shakespeare Quotes , Strong Quotes , Humorous Quotes

I cannot see how a man of any large degree of humorous perception can ever be religious -- unless he purposely shut the eyes of his mind & keep them shut by force.

6 years ago

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Religious Quotes , Humorous Quotes

Humor is also a way of saying something serious.

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Tags : T. S. Eliot Quotes , Funny Quotes , Humorous Quotes

Give a small boy a hammer and he will find that everything he encounters needs pounding.

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Tags : Abraham Kaplan Quotes , Children Quotes , Humorous Quotes