Adam Carolla Quotes, Hollywood Quotes, Connections Quotes

I have no connection with Hollywood. I'm not interested. I don't care.

6 years ago

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Tags : Adam Carolla Quotes , Hollywood Quotes , Connections Quotes

As I said in my last book, birds are mean. They're the only pet that, when they escape, the owners are relieved. You can tell a species is evil by doing this simple math. If my blond lab Molly was the size of T-Rex, that would just mean more kibble, more work for the gardener in the backyard, and a harder time moving her to my wife's side of the bed at night. If birds were the size of a T-Rex, the streets would be littered with human remains.

6 years ago

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Tags : Adam Carolla Quotes , Moving Quotes , Book Quotes

The reason why you know more funny dudes than funny chicks is that dudes are funnier than chicks.

6 years ago

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Tags : Adam Carolla Quotes , Reason Why Quotes , Reason Quotes

I am not agnostic. I am atheist. I don’t think there is no God; I know there’s no God. I know there’s no God the same way I know many other laws in our universe. I know there’s no God and I know most of the world knows that as well. They just won’t admit it because there’s another thing they know. They know they’re going to die and it freaks them out. So most people don’t have the courage to admit there’s no God and they know it. They feel it. They try to suppress it. And if you bring it up they get angry because it freaks them out.

6 years ago

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Tags : Adam Carolla Quotes , Atheist Quotes , Thinking Quotes

If you are tuning in just for the show, you're going to be sorely disappointed.

6 years ago

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Tags : Adam Carolla Quotes , Funny Quotes , Humor Quotes

I am not a good cue card reader.

6 years ago

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All TV is, is really: 'Don't you want to be this, aren't you glad you're not that.' There's nothing really in the middle.

6 years ago

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Tags : Adam Carolla Quotes , Funny Quotes , Humor Quotes

Life is just the time between crapping yourself.

6 years ago

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That's an interesting philosophical question. When your boner goes away, is that one gone... forever?

6 years ago

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Tags : Adam Carolla Quotes , Funny Quotes , Philosophical Quotes

You should feel good about yourself because of your accomplishments. Not because somebody yelled at you to feel good about yourself.

6 years ago

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Tags : Adam Carolla Quotes , Accomplishment Quotes , Feel Good Quotes

I'm not sexist, I'm just a realist.

6 years ago

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Well, the post office is probably not the place you want to go if you want to be infused with patriotism and a renewed sense of vigor.

6 years ago

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Tags : Adam Carolla Quotes , Passion Quotes , Office Quotes

No one is depressed when they're being chased by a bear.

6 years ago

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I spoke to my dad, and he said it took close to 90 dollars to raise me. But that was me and my sister, and my sister moved out when she was 16, so sometimes it can knock you up to triple digits to raise a kid.

6 years ago

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Tags : Adam Carolla Quotes , Funny Quotes , Dad Quotes

I'm really just trying to hash out the next two weeks of my life. So, something that is potentially four months down the road is not just a mile down the road for me, it's a million miles down the road.

6 years ago

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Tags : Adam Carolla Quotes , Funny Quotes , Humor Quotes

I don't normally vote. I'm lazy and I never bought into the every vote counts.

6 years ago

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Tags : Adam Carolla Quotes , Lazy Quotes

I don't think healthcare's a right. The only right you have is the ability to go out on an even playing field and work, and then purchase health insurance, or whatever it is.

6 years ago

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Tags : Adam Carolla Quotes , Thinking Quotes , Fields Quotes

You don't realize how much you use your credit card not even to buy things. It's a card you get so you can navigate society.

6 years ago

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Tags : Adam Carolla Quotes , Cards Quotes , Use Quotes

If women built the bridges or were meant to build the bridges, then they would have done it.

6 years ago

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Tags : Adam Carolla Quotes , Bridges Quotes , Done Quotes

I don't think I've ever seen pie advertised. That's how you know it's good. They advertise ice cream and other desserts. They advertise the bejeeezus out of yogurt, but I haven't seen one pie commercial.

6 years ago

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Tags : Adam Carolla Quotes , Thinking Quotes , Pie Quotes