Adam Carolla Quotes, Missing Quotes, Television Quotes

When you do television, there's more to do, and when you do new television, there's a lot more to do, especially when you don't have partner. I miss not having that person.

6 years ago

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Tags : Adam Carolla Quotes , Missing Quotes , Television Quotes

To make something, you have to work within your abilities. Honestly assess what you can do and even more important, what can't you do.

6 years ago

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Tags : Adam Carolla Quotes , Important Quotes , Ability Quotes

I don't like soccer. I think it makes you soft. And by the way, you telling me it's the biggest whatever in the World, look, they drink tea everywhere too; they're pussies, you understand? I want some coffee.

6 years ago

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Tags : Adam Carolla Quotes , Soccer Quotes , Coffee Quotes

I don't think healthcare's a right. The only right you have is the ability to go out on an even playing field and work, and then purchase health insurance, or whatever it is.

6 years ago

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Tags : Adam Carolla Quotes , Thinking Quotes , Fields Quotes

If you are tuning in just for the show, you're going to be sorely disappointed.

6 years ago

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Tags : Adam Carolla Quotes , Funny Quotes , Humor Quotes

All's the government should do is keep the taxes and regulations at a manageable rate, keep a decent standing army and get out of the way.

6 years ago

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Tags : Adam Carolla Quotes , Army Quotes , Government Quotes

I don't think I've ever seen pie advertised. That's how you know it's good. They advertise ice cream and other desserts. They advertise the bejeeezus out of yogurt, but I haven't seen one pie commercial.

6 years ago

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Tags : Adam Carolla Quotes , Thinking Quotes , Pie Quotes

Chicks named Tammy have a greater chance of actually driving a Mercedes than a chick named Mercedes.

6 years ago

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Tags : Adam Carolla Quotes , Funny Quotes , Humor Quotes

If Joy Behar or Sherri Shepherd was a dude, they'd be off TV. They're not funny enough for dudes. What if Roseanne Barr was a dude? Think we'd know who she was?

6 years ago

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Tags : Adam Carolla Quotes , Thinking Quotes , Joy Quotes

Then there's the in-between, not a lipstick lesbian, not a butch dyke. I think that is what I'd be, a sweatpants lesbian.

6 years ago

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Tags : Adam Carolla Quotes , Funny Quotes , Humor Quotes

The reason why you know more funny dudes than funny chicks is that dudes are funnier than chicks. If my daughter has a mediocre sense of humor, I'm just gonna tell her, "Be a staff writer for a sitcom. Because they'll have to hire you, they can't really fire you, and you don't have to produce that much. It'll be awesome."

6 years ago

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Tags : Adam Carolla Quotes , Daughter Quotes , Mother Quotes

I give women two types of orgasms. Fake and none.

6 years ago

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Tags : Adam Carolla Quotes , Funny Quotes , Humor Quotes

Millions of guys play millions of basketball games every day of the week at the playground or the YMCA. But LeBron James gets $20 million a year because he can jam on all of those guys. We're always going to want to see LeBron and Kobe go at it.

6 years ago

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Tags : Adam Carolla Quotes , Inspirational Quotes , Basketball Quotes

I didn't have any success in show business until I was 30 to 31 years of age.

6 years ago

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Tags : Adam Carolla Quotes , Years Quotes , Age Quotes

Of course on air I use occasional hyperbole to tell a story.

6 years ago

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Tags : Adam Carolla Quotes , Air Quotes , Stories Quotes

In my early 20s I was so miserable doing construction, I wanted something that paid money. I liked nice stuff. I liked cars and architecture, and things that cost money. I wanted to not swing a hammer, and make money… and not do stuff that was dirty. I attempted to get into comedy. I started to do stand-up, but I wasn’t very good at it.

6 years ago

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Tags : Adam Carolla Quotes , Nice Quotes , Dirty Quotes

I have a daughter who I love very much, I hire women, I've worked with women, I've never had an issue with women.

6 years ago

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Tags : Adam Carolla Quotes , Daughter Quotes , Mother Quotes

Figure out what to do, then take a nap.

6 years ago

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Tags : Adam Carolla Quotes , Funny Quotes , Humor Quotes

The very definition of 'beauty' is outside.

6 years ago

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Tags : Adam Carolla Quotes , Definitions Quotes

If you've driven over to the gay section of Los Angeles, it's like a golf course... Real estate values go 'boom!'

6 years ago

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Tags : Adam Carolla Quotes , Real Quotes , Golf Quotes