Adam Carolla Quotes, Emotional Quotes, Guy Quotes

Well, guys are better at mechanical stuff and women are better at emotional stuff.

6 years ago

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Tags : Adam Carolla Quotes , Emotional Quotes , Guy Quotes

[Giving welfare to poor people] is the equivalent of the government sending [fat people] a jumbo bag of Bugles in the mail twice a month.

6 years ago

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Tags : Adam Carolla Quotes , Government Quotes , People Quotes

Screw guilt -- I could have sex with 10 men and it wouldn't bother me. I'm an atheist!

6 years ago

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Tags : Adam Carolla Quotes , Atheist Quotes , Sex Quotes

I'm harmless. I don't have any ill will or ill thought towards anybody. When people know you're that way, you can say stuff that the creepy guy at your office could never get away with.

6 years ago

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Tags : Adam Carolla Quotes , Ill Will Quotes , Office Quotes

A lot of people would say, to be truthful is to tell all, every dalliance, every crisis. They might be right on paper, but in practice, it's not a great way to go.

6 years ago

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Tags : Adam Carolla Quotes , Practice Quotes , People Quotes

The reason why you know more funny dudes than funny chicks is that dudes are funnier than chicks.

6 years ago

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Tags : Adam Carolla Quotes , Reason Why Quotes , Reason Quotes

I've got a great eye for color. I'm like a chick.

6 years ago

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Tags : Adam Carolla Quotes , Eye Quotes , Color Quotes

I swear my car won't run unless I'm picking my nose: At least, I'm that superstitious about it, so I don't want to take any chances.

6 years ago

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Tags : Adam Carolla Quotes , Running Quotes , Car Quotes

I'm a doofus from the Valley, a blue-collar guy.

6 years ago

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Tags : Adam Carolla Quotes , Blue Quotes , Guy Quotes

I didn't have any success in show business until I was 30 to 31 years of age.

6 years ago

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Tags : Adam Carolla Quotes , Years Quotes , Age Quotes

I give women two types of orgasms. Fake and none.

6 years ago

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Tags : Adam Carolla Quotes , Funny Quotes , Humor Quotes

I don’t have any ill will or ill thought towards anybody.

6 years ago

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Tags : Adam Carolla Quotes , Ill Will Quotes

That's the thing I love about sports: sports force you to quit. You can't pursue your dream till you're 46. When it comes to acting, writing, comedy, nobody ever stops you.

6 years ago

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Tags : Adam Carolla Quotes , Sports Quotes , Dream Quotes

Life is just the time between crapping yourself.

6 years ago

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Tags : Adam Carolla Quotes

I don't think I've ever seen pie advertised. That's how you know it's good. They advertise ice cream and other desserts. They advertise the bejeeezus out of yogurt, but I haven't seen one pie commercial.

6 years ago

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Tags : Adam Carolla Quotes , Thinking Quotes , Pie Quotes

All's the government should do is keep the taxes and regulations at a manageable rate, keep a decent standing army and get out of the way.

6 years ago

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Tags : Adam Carolla Quotes , Army Quotes , Government Quotes

When you're doing a radio show, you can express yourself.

6 years ago

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Tags : Adam Carolla Quotes , Radio Quotes , Express Yourself Quotes

I'm like John Q. Public. I represent what every guy wants and needs.

6 years ago

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Tags : Adam Carolla Quotes , Guy Quotes , Needs Quotes

When you have kids, you instantly feel that you do not want to do them wrong. Those dads that go off to Florida and start a new life, I couldn’t imagine that: seeing my kid once every Christmas, every three years. If I’m gone for six days it feels like too much.

6 years ago

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Tags : Adam Carolla Quotes , Christmas Quotes , Dad Quotes

In my early 20s I was so miserable doing construction, I wanted something that paid money. I liked nice stuff. I liked cars and architecture, and things that cost money. I wanted to not swing a hammer, and make money… and not do stuff that was dirty. I attempted to get into comedy. I started to do stand-up, but I wasn’t very good at it.

6 years ago

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Tags : Adam Carolla Quotes , Nice Quotes , Dirty Quotes