Mark Twain Quotes, Past Quotes, Race Quotes

The human race was always interesting and we know by its past that it will always continue so, monotonously.

6 years ago

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Past Quotes , Race Quotes

I felt it was my duty to praise all of God's works with fervent enthusiasm. At the same time I killed flies in my house in a spirit of hatred, exasperation and contempt. My praise to God for all his works was dishonest, the act of killing the fly was honest.

6 years ago

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Hatred Quotes , House Quotes

...fry me an optimist for breakfast.

6 years ago

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Optimistic Quotes , Breakfast Quotes

To do something, say something, see something, before anybody else -- these are things that confer a pleasure compared with which other pleasures are tame and commonplace, other ecstasies cheap and trivial.

6 years ago

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Justice Quotes , Pleasure Quotes

Whiskey is carried into committee rooms in demijohns and carried out in demagogues.

6 years ago

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Rooms Quotes , Whiskey Quotes

No man that has ever lived has done a thing to please God--primarily. It was done to please himself, then God next.

6 years ago

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , God Quotes , Men Quotes

Humor must be one of the chief attributes of God. Plants and animals that are distinctly humorous in form and characteristics are God's jokes.

6 years ago

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Humorous Quotes , Animal Quotes

Only kings, presidents, editors, and people with tapeworms have the right to use the editorial 'we.'

6 years ago

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Funny Quotes , Kings Quotes

Pity is for the living, envy is for the dead. Death, the refuge, the solace, the best and kindliest and most prized friend and benefactor of the erring, the forsaken, the old and weary and broken of heart.

6 years ago

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Death Quotes , Heart Quotes

The wit knows that his place is at the tail of a procession.

6 years ago

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Inspiration Quotes , Tails Quotes

There is nothing in the world like a persuasive speech to fuddle the mental apparatus and upset the convictions and debauch the emotions of an audience not practiced in the tricks and delusions of oratory

6 years ago

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Upset Quotes , Oratory Quotes

It is a pity we can't escape from life when we are young.

6 years ago

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Pity Quotes

There will never be a "perfect" time to quit smoking. A time when you don't have any distractions or stress... If you had started today one year ago, this would not even be an issue for you today! Don't waste another year!

6 years ago

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Encouragement Quotes , Stress Quotes

Happiness ain't a thing in itself -it's only a contrast with something that ain't pleasant. And so, as soon as the novelty is over and the force of the contrast dulled, it ain't happiness any longer, and you have to get something fresh.

6 years ago

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Happiness Quotes , Laughter Quotes

We were surprised how closely the cuckoo imitated the clock-and yet, of course, it could never have heard a clock.

6 years ago

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Bird Quotes , Cuckoos Quotes

Continuous improvement is better than delayed perfection.

6 years ago

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Motivational Quotes , Perfection Quotes

Figures often beguile me, particularly when I have the arranging of them myself; in which case the remark attributed to Disraeli would often apply with justice and force: "There are three kinds of lies: lies, damned lies, and statistics."

6 years ago

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Funny Quotes , Lying Quotes

There is no such thing as the Queen's English. The property has gone into the hands of a joint stock company and we own the bulk of the shares!

6 years ago

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Queens Quotes , Hands Quotes

The community is eminently Portuguese - that is to say, it is slow, poor, shiftless, sleepy, and lazy.

6 years ago

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Community Quotes , Lazy Quotes

He said that man’s heart was the only bad heart in the animal kingdom; that man was the only animal capable of feeling malice, envy, vindictiveness, revengefulness, hatred, selfishness, the only animal that loves drunkenness, almost the only animal that could endure personal uncleanliness and a filthy habitation, the sole animal in whom was fully developed the base instinct called patriotism, the sole animal that robs, persecutes, oppresses and kills members of his own tribe, the sole animal that steals and enslaves the members of any tribe.

6 years ago

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Heart Quotes , Animal Quotes