Mark Twain Quotes, Funny Quotes, Money Quotes

What is the difference between a taxidermist and a tax collector? The taxidermist takes only your skin.

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Funny Quotes , Money Quotes

Except a person be part coward, it is not a compliment to say he is brave.

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Courage Quotes , Brave Person Quotes

Do the thing you fear most and the death of fear is certain.

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Death Quotes , Motivational Sports Quotes

I pledged myself to smoke but one cigar a day. I kept the cigar waiting until bedtime, then I had a luxurious time with it. But desire persecuted me every day and all day long. I found myself hunting for larger cigars...within the month my cigar had grown to such proportions I could have used it as a crutch.

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Hunting Quotes , Long Quotes

We are all ignorant; just about different things.

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Ignorant Quotes , Different Quotes

It is agreed, in this country, that if a man can arrange his religion so that it perfectly satisfies his conscience, it is not incumbent on him to care whether the arrangement is satisfactory to anyone else or not.

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Country Quotes , Men Quotes

...fry me an optimist for breakfast.

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The only very marked difference between the average civilized man and the average savage is that the one is gilded and the other is painted.

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Men Quotes , Average Quotes

There was never a century nor a country that was short of experts who knew the Deity's mind and were willing to reveal it.

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Country Quotes , Mind Quotes

When a teacher calls a boy by his entire name, it means trouble.

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Education Quotes , Teacher Quotes

I have learned that human existence is essentially tragic. It is only the love of God, disclosed and enacted in Christ, that redeems the human tragedy and makes it tolerable. No, more than tolerable. Wonderful.

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Humanity Quotes , Tragedy Quotes

He charged nothing for his preaching and it was worth it too.

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Inspirational Quotes , Work Quotes

[The Bible is] a mass of fables and traditions, mere mythology.

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Religion Quotes , Fables Quotes

It makes one hope and believe that a day will come when, in the eye of the law, literary property will be as sacred as whiskey, or any other of the necessaries of life. It grieves me to think how far more profound and reverent a respect the law would have for literature if a body could only get drunk on it.

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Believe Quotes , Reading Quotes

Imagination labors best in distant fields.

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Imagination Quotes , Fields Quotes

I have achieved my seventy years in the usual way: by sticking strictly to a scheme of life which would kill anybody else... I will offer here, as a sound maxim, this: That we can't reach old age by another man's road.

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Birthday Quotes , Men Quotes

You thunder and lightning too much; the reader ceases to get under the bed, by and by.

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Writing Quotes , Bed Quotes

I would rather have my ignorance than another man's knowledge, because I have so much of it.

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Ignorance Quotes , Men Quotes

A lie can make it half way around the world before the truth has time to put its boots on.

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Time Quotes , Lying Quotes

If you shamefully misuse a cat once she will always maintain a dignified reserve toward you afterward. You will never get her full confidence again.

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Cat Quotes , Misuse Quotes