Mark Twain Quotes, Inspirational Quotes, Funny Quotes

'Classic.' A book which people praise and don't read.

5 years ago

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Inspirational Quotes , Funny Quotes

As for the dinosaur - But Noah's conscience was easy; it was not named in his cargo list and he and the boys were not aware that there was such a creature. He said he could not blame himself for not knowing about the dinosaur, because it was an American animal and America had not then been discovered.

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Animal Quotes , Boys Quotes

Perfect grammar - persistent, continuous, sustained - is the fourth dimension, so to speak; many have sought it, but none has found it.

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Perfect Quotes , Dimensions Quotes

Only kings, presidents, editors, and people with tapeworms have the right to use the editorial 'we.'

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Funny Quotes , Kings Quotes

Do something everyday that you don't want to do.

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Everyday Quotes , Want Quotes

No one can tell me what is a good cigar--for me. I am the only judge... There are no standards--no real standards. Each man's preference is the only standard for him, the only one which he can accept, the only one which can command him.

5 years ago

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Real Quotes , Men Quotes

Some things you can't find out; but you will never know you can't by guessing and supposing: no, you have to be patient and go on experimenting until you find out that you can't find out.

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Supposing That Quotes , Goes On Quotes

Benaras is older than history, older than tradition, older even than legend, and looks twice as old as all of them put together!

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Together Quotes , Legends Quotes

If you need help identifying actionable analytics check out this post.

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Needs Quotes , Helping Quotes

Few things are harder to put up with than the annoyance of a good example.

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Familiarity breeds contempt - and children.

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Some of us cannot be optimists, but all of us can be bigamists

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Nature makes the locust with an appetite for crops; man would have made him with an appetite for sand

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Men Quotes , Sand Quotes

the size of a misfortune is not determinable by an outsider’s measurement of it but only by the measurements applied to it by the person specially affected by it.

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Outsiders Quotes , Measurement Quotes

I'm a very old man. I've had lots of problems. Most of them never happened..!

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Men Quotes , Problem Quotes

To trust the God of the Bible is to trust an irascible, vindictive, fierce and ever fickle and changeful master.

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Religion Quotes , Atheism Quotes

I went to the circus, and loafed around the back side till the watchman went by, and then dived in under the tent. I had my twenty-dollar gold piece and some other money, but I reckoned I better save it.... I ain't opposed to spending money on circuses, when there ain't no other way, but there ain't no use in wasting it on them.

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Money Quotes , Gold Quotes

The statesmen will invent cheap lies, putting the blame upon the nation that is being attacked, and every man will be glad of these conscience-soothing falsities

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , War Quotes , Lying Quotes

Delicacy - a sad, sad false delicacy - robs literature of the two best things among its belongings: Family-circle narratives & obscene stories.

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Circles Quotes , Two Quotes

The world has corrected the Bible. The church never corrects it; and also never fails to drop in at the tail of the procession-and take the credit of the correction.

5 years ago

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Church Quotes , Tails Quotes