Mark Twain Quotes, Music Quotes, Play Quotes

A gentleman is someone who knows how to play the banjo and doesn't.

6 years ago

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Music Quotes , Play Quotes

There isn't any way to libel the human race.

6 years ago

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Race Quotes , Way Quotes

An Englishman is a person who does things because they have been done before. An American is a person who does things because they haven't been done before.

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Inspiration Quotes , Doe Quotes

The machine has several virtues... One may lean back in his chair and work it. It piles an awful stack of words on one page. It don't muss things or scatter ink blots around.

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Ink Quotes , Machines Quotes

When you fish for love, bait with your heart, not your brain.

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The only very marked difference between the average civilized man and the average savage is that the one is gilded and the other is painted.

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Men Quotes , Average Quotes

When one has tasted watermelons, one knows what angels eat. It was not a Southern watermelon that Eve took; we know it because she repented.

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Angel Quotes , Southern Quotes

When angry, count to a hundred.

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There are two times in a man's life when he should not speculate: when he can't afford it, and when he can.

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Don't say the old lady screamed. Bring her on and let her scream.

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Inspiration Quotes , Writing Quotes

The true Southern watermelon is a boon apart, and not to be mentioned with commoner things. It is chief of this world'd luxuries, king by grace of God over all the fruits of the earth. When one has tasted it, he knows what the angels eat. It was not a Southern watermelon that Eve took: we know it because she repented.

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Kings Quotes , Angel Quotes

A man can be a Christian or a patriot, but he can't legally be a Christian and a patriot - except in the usual way: one of the two with the mouth, the other with the heart.

6 years ago

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Christian Quotes , Heart Quotes

Strange a God who mouths Golden Rules and forgiveness, then invented hell; who mouths morals to other people and has none Himself; who frowns upon crimes yet commits them all; who created man without invitation, then tries to shuffle the responsibility for man's acts upon man, instead of honorably placing it where it belongs, upon Himself; and finally with altogether divine obtuseness, invites this poor, abused slave to worship Him!

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Atheist Quotes , Responsibility Quotes

If you hold a cat by the tail you learn things you cannot learn any other way.

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Half of the results of a good intentions are evil; half the results of an evil intention are good.

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Evil Quotes , Half Quotes

Gratitude and treachery are merely the two extremities of the same procession. You have seen all of it that is worth staying for when the band and the gaudy officials have gone by.

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Gratitude Quotes , Two Quotes

Give an Irishman lager for a month and he's a dead man. An Irishman's stomach is lined with copper, and the beer corrodes it. But whiskey polishes the copper and is the saving of him.

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Drinking Quotes , Beer Quotes

You don't know about me, without you have read a book by the name of 'The Adventures of Tom Sawyer,' but that ain't no matter. That book was made by a Mr. Mark Twain, and he told the truth, mainly.

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Book Quotes , Adventure Quotes

Thousands of geniuses live and die undiscovered - either by themselves or by others.

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Begin with the determination to succeed and the work is half done already.

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