Mark Twain Quotes, Funny Quotes, Military Quotes

I could have become a soldier if I had waited; I knew more about retreating than the man who invented retreating.

6 years ago

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Funny Quotes , Military Quotes

We don't cut up when mad men are bred by the old legitimate regular stock religions, but we can't allow wildcat religions to indulge in such disastrous experiments.

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Cutting Quotes , Men Quotes

I didn't have time to write a short letter, so I wrote a long one instead.

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Time Quotes , Writing Quotes

Substitute "damn" every time you're inclined to write "very"; your editor will delete it and the writing will be just as it should be.

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Inspirational Quotes , Funny Quotes

Patriotism is usually the refuge of the scoundrel. He is the man who talks the loudest.

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Men Quotes , Patriotism Quotes

Darwin abolished special creations, contributed the Origin of Species and hitched all life together in one unbroken procession of Siamese Twins, the whole evolved by natural and orderly processes from one microscopic parent germ.

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Life Quotes , Science Quotes

Like most people, I often feel mean, and act accordingly.

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Mean Quotes , People Quotes

when we badly want a thing, we go to hunting for good and righteous reasons for it; we give it that fine name to comfort our consciences, whereas we privately know we are only hunting for plausible ones.

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Hunting Quotes , Names Quotes

The most interesting information comes from children, for they tell all they know and then stop.

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Sweet Quotes , Children Quotes

Name the greatest of all inventors. Accident.

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Inspirational Quotes , Success Quotes

A thing long expected takes the form of the unexpected when at last it comes.

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Inspirational Quotes , Long Quotes

The cost of living hasn't effected its popularity.

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You are a coward when you even seem to have backed down from a thing you openly set out to do

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Coward Quotes

The Impartial Friend: Death, the only immortal who treats us all alike, whose pity and whose peace and whose refuge are for all--the soiled and the pure, the rich and the poor, the loved and the unloved.

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Death Quotes , Rich Quotes

It has always been a peculiarity of the human race that it keeps two sets of morals in stock-the private and the real, and the public and the artificial.

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Real Quotes , Race Quotes

I have a religion-but you will call it blasphemy. It is that there is a God for the rich man but none for the poor.....Perhaps your religion will sustain you,will feed you-I place no dependence in mine. Our religions are alike, though, in one respect-neither can make a man happy when he is out of luck.

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Happiness Quotes , Happy Quotes

Optimist: day-dreamer in his small clothes.

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When it comes down to pure ornamental cursing, the native American is gifted above the sons of men.

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Shall we go on conferring our Civilization upon the peoples that sit in darkness, or shall we give those poor things a rest?

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Civilization Quotes , Giving Quotes

A dream...I was trying to explain to St. Peter, and was doing it in the German tongue, because I didn't want to be too explicit.

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Dream Quotes , Trying Quotes