Mark Twain Quotes, Funny Quotes, Wise Quotes

Behold, the fool saith, "Put not all thine eggs in the one basket" - which is but a matter of saying, "Scatter your money and your attention"; but the wise man saith, "Pull all your eggs in the one basket and - WATCH THAT BASKET." - Pudd'nhead Wilson's Calendar

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Funny Quotes , Wise Quotes

There was never yet an uninteresting life. Such a thing is an impossibility. Inside of the dullest exterior there is a drama, a comedy, and a tragedy.

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Inspirational Quotes , Life Quotes

No real gentleman will tell the naked truth in the presence of ladies.

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Funny Quotes , Truth Quotes

There ain't no way to find out why a snorer can't hear himself snore.

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Way Quotes

The rain ...falls upon the just and the unjust alike; a thing which would not happen if I were superintending the rain's affairs. No, I would rain softly and sweetly on the just, but if I caught a sample of the unjust outdoors, I would drown him.

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Rain Quotes , Fall Quotes

The very "marks" on the bottom of a piece of rare crockery are able to throw me into a gibbering ecstasy.

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Ceramics Quotes , Pieces Quotes

As soon as a man recognizes that he has drifted into age, he gets reminiscent. He wants to talk and talk; and not about the present or the future, but about his old times. For there is where the pathos of his life lies - and the charm of it. The pathos of it is there because it was opulent with treasures that are gone, and the charm of it is in casting them up from the musty ledgers and remembering how rich and gracious they were.

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Lying Quotes , Men Quotes

There's something in it when a body like the widow or the parson prays, but it don't work for me, and I reckon it don't work for only just the right kind.

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Widows Quotes , Body Quotes

There are 869 different forms of lying, but only one of them has been squarely forbidden. Thou shalt not bear false witness against thy neighbor.

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Lying Quotes , Different Quotes

To be human is to have one's little modicum of romance secreted away in one's composition. One never ceases to make a hero of one's self, (in private,) during life, but only alters the style of heroism from time to time as the drifting years belittle certain gods of his admiration and raise up others in their stead.

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Hero Quotes , Self Quotes

That is their way, those plagues, those scientists - peg, peg, peg - dig, dig, dig - plod, plod, plod. I wish I could catch a cargo of them for my place; it would be an economy. Yes, for years, you see. They never give up. Patience, hope, faith, perseverance; it is the way of all the breed.

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Perseverance Quotes , Giving Up Quotes

I told you this would happen. But, no, you had to go for the buffet, didn't you?

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I would like to live in Manchester, England. The transition between Manchester and death would be unnoticeable.

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Sarcastic Quotes , Sarcasm Quotes

The dog is a gentleman; I hope to go to his heaven not man's.

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The Germans are exceedingly fond of Rhine wines; they are put up in tall, slender bottles, and are considered a pleasant beverage. One tells them from vinegar by the label.

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Wine Quotes , Labels Quotes

Let us not be too particular; it is better to have old secondhand diamonds than none at all.

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Time Quotes , Advice Quotes

The truth hurts, but silence kills.

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Never knew before what eternity was made for. It is to give some of us a chance to learn German.

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , German Language Quotes , Giving Quotes

The future interests me - I'm going to spend the rest of my life there.

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Future Quotes , Interest Quotes

Education consists mainly of what we have unlearned.

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Inspirational Quotes , Education Quotes