Mark Twain Quotes, Humor Quotes, Laughing Quotes

The true and lasting genius of humour does not drag you thus to boxes labelled 'pathos,' 'humour,' and show you all the mechanism of the inimitable puppets that are going to perform. How I used to laugh at Simon Tapperwit, and the Wellers, and a host more! But I can't do it now somehow; and time, it seems to me, is the true test of humour. It must be antiseptic.

6 years ago

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Humor Quotes , Laughing Quotes

By law of periodical repetition, everything which has happened once must happen again and again -- and not capriciously, but at regular periods, and each thing in its own period, not another's and each obeying its own law.

6 years ago

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Law Quotes , History Quotes

Experience teaches us only one thing at a time - and hardly that, in my case.

6 years ago

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Cases Quotes , Teach Quotes

Manifestly, dying is nothing to a really great and brave man.

6 years ago

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Death Quotes , Men Quotes

Man is the only animal that deals in that atorcity of atrocities, War. He is the only one that gathers his brethren about him and goes forth in cold blood and calm pulse to exterminate his kind.

6 years ago

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , War Quotes , Animal Quotes

Nothing agrees with me. If I drink coffee, it gives me dyspepsia; if I drink wine, it gives me the gout; if I go to church, it gives me dysentery.

6 years ago

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Coffee Quotes , Wine Quotes

Cauliflower is nothing but cabbage with a college education.

6 years ago

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Education Quotes , Food Quotes

All you need is ignorance and confidence and the success is sure.

6 years ago

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Success Quotes , Confidence Quotes

Substitute "damn" every time you're inclined to write "very"; your editor will delete it and the writing will be just as it should be.

6 years ago

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Inspirational Quotes , Funny Quotes

I would not rob you of your food or your clothes or your umbrella, but if I caught your German out I would take it. But I don't study any more,- I have given it up.

6 years ago

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Clothes Quotes , Study Quotes

India has two million gods, and worships them all. In religion all other countries are paupers; India is the only millionaire.

6 years ago

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Country Quotes , Two Quotes

What is the chief end of man?-to get rich. In what way?-dishonestly if we can; honestly if we must.

6 years ago

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Men Quotes , Way Quotes

Noise proves nothing. Often a hen who has merely laid an egg cackles as if she laid an asteroid.

6 years ago

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Funny Quotes , Life Quotes

You aim for the palace and get drowned in the sewer.

6 years ago

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Palaces Quotes , Aim Quotes

When in doubt tell the truth. It will confound your enemies and astound your friends.

6 years ago

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Doubt Quotes , Enemy Quotes

Work and play are words used to describe the same thing under differing conditions.

6 years ago

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Motivational Quotes , Meaningful Quotes

The average American's simplest and commonest form of breakfast consists of coffee and beefsteak.

6 years ago

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Coffee Quotes , Average Quotes

There's something in it when a body like the widow or the parson prays, but it don't work for me, and I reckon it don't work for only just the right kind.

6 years ago

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Widows Quotes , Body Quotes

If there is a God, he is a malign thug.

6 years ago

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Atheist Quotes , Thug Quotes

We are strange beings, we seem to go free, but we go in chains - chains of training, custom, convention, association, environment - in a word, Circumstance, and against these bonds the strongest of us struggle in vain.

6 years ago

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Struggle Quotes , Training Quotes