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Mark Twain Quotes
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Mark Twain Quotes 2407
- If I'd seen a playwright ever write an' play at the same time, I'd have given 'em more of a chance at cards. Can I get an 'amen?'
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- Public Servant: Persons chosen by the people to distribute the graft.
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- Medicine has made all its progress during the past fifty years. ... How many operations that are now in use were known fifty years ago?-they were not operations, they were executions.
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- Part of the secret of a success in life is to eat what you like and let the food fight it out inside.
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- Balloon: Thing to take meteroric observations and commit suicide with.
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- Now is the accepted time to make your regular annual good resolutions. Next week you can begin paving hell with them as usual.
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- Get a bicycle. You will not regret it, if you live.
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- The offspring of riches: Pride, vanity, ostentation, arrogance, tyranny
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- Out of the unconscious lips of babes and sucklings are we satirized.
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- I will now claim - until dispossesed - that I was the first person in the world to apply the typewriter to literature. ... The early machine was full of caprices, full of defects- devilish ones. It had as many immoralities as the machine of today has virtues. After a year or two I found that it was degrading my character, so I thought I would give it to Howells. ... He took it home to Boston, and my morals began to improve, but his have never recovered.
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- For all the talk you hear about knowledge being such a wonderful thing, instinct is worth forty of it for real unerringness.
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- Ignorant people think it is the noise which fighting cats make that is so aggravating, but it ain't so; it is the sickening grammar that they use.
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- None but an ass pays a compliment and asks a favour at the same time. There are many asses.
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- It is not best to use our morals weekdays, it gets them out of repair for Sunday.
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- The human being places sexual intercourse above all other joys, but leaves it out of his heaven.
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- When a humorist ventures upon the grave concerns of life he must do his job better than another man or he works harm to his cause.
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- To eat is human, to digest, divine
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- An enemy can partly ruin a man, but it takes a good-natured injudicious friend to complete the thing and make it perfect.
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- I was exceedingly delighted with the waltz, and also with the polka. These differ in name, but there the difference ceases
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- Drag your thoughts away from your troubles... by the ears, by the heels, or any other way you can manage it.
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