Mark Twain Quotes, Funny Quotes, Humorous Quotes

To succeed in the other trades, capacity must be shown; in the law, concealment of it will do.

6 years ago

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Funny Quotes , Humorous Quotes

When a humorist ventures upon the grave concerns of life he must do his job better than another man or he works harm to his cause.

6 years ago

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Jobs Quotes , Men Quotes

So avoid using the word 'very' because it's lazy. A man is not very tired, he is exhausted. Don't use very sad, use morose. Language was invented for one reason, boys - to woo women - and, in that endeavor, laziness will not do. It also won't do in your essays. What you do today is important, because you are sacrificing a day of your life for it. Anger is an acid that can do more harm to the vessel in which it is stored than to anything on which it is poured.

6 years ago

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Tired Quotes , Sacrifice Quotes

It is a shameful thing to insult a child.

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Children Quotes , Insult Quotes

I had longed to be a butterfly, and I was one at last. I attended private parties in sumptuous evening dress, simpered and aired my graces like a born beau, and polkaed and schoisched with a step peculiar to myself - and the kangaroo.

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Dance Quotes , Party Quotes

You aim for the palace and get drowned in the sewer.

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Palaces Quotes , Aim Quotes

They did not know it was impossible so they did it

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Attitude Quotes , Law Of Attraction Quotes

If voting made any difference they wouldn't let us do it.

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Differences Quotes , Government Quotes

Life would be infinitely happier if we could only be born at the age of eighty and gradually approach eighteen.

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Happy Birthday Quotes , Time Quotes

What a good thing Adam had. When he said a good thing he knew nobody had said it before.

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Wisdom Quotes , Book Quotes

I can live for two months on a good compliment.

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Love Quotes , Life Quotes

Loyalty to petrified opinion never yet broke a chain or freed a human soul.

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Change Quotes , Loyalty Quotes

When red-headed people are above a certain social grade their hair is auburn.

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Money Quotes , Hair Quotes

I said there was but one solitary thing about the past worth remembering, and that was the fact that it is past-can't be restored.

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Past Quotes , History Quotes

A habit cannot be tossed out the window; it must be coaxed down the stairs a step at a time.

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Time Quotes , Steps Quotes

Good wine needs no bush; a jug is the thing.

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Wine Quotes , Jugs Quotes

It is a mystery that is hidden from me by reason that the emergency requiring the fathoming of it hath not in my life-days occurred, and so, not having no need to know this thing, I abide barren of the knowledge.

6 years ago

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Needs Quotes , Emergencies Quotes

Faith is believing things you know aint true

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Believe Quotes

Explaining humor is a lot like dissecting a frog, you learn a lot in the process, but in the end you kill it.

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Frogs Quotes , Ends Quotes

Switzerland is simply a large, lumpy, solid rock with a thin skin of grass stretched over it.

6 years ago

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Rocks Quotes , Skins Quotes