Mark Twain Quotes, Funny Quotes, Wise Quotes

Behold, the fool saith, "Put not all thine eggs in the one basket" - which is but a matter of saying, "Scatter your money and your attention"; but the wise man saith, "Pull all your eggs in the one basket and - WATCH THAT BASKET." - Pudd'nhead Wilson's Calendar

6 years ago

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Funny Quotes , Wise Quotes

Vote: The only commodity that is peddleable without a license.

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The man who sets out to carry a cat by its tail learns something that will always be useful and which never will grow dim or doubtful.

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Learning Quotes , Cat Quotes

If you will notice, there is seldom a telegram in a paper which fails to show up one or more members & beneficiaries of our Civilization as promenading with his shirt-tail up & the rest of his regalia in the wash.

6 years ago

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Civilization Quotes , Tails Quotes

I have stopped smoking now and then, for a few months at a time, but it was not on principle, it was only to show off; it was to pulverize those critics who said I was a slave to my habits and couldn't break my bonds.

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Broken Quotes , Smoking Quotes

When congress is in session no American is safe.

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Humor is mankind's greatest blessing.

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When a person is accustomed to one hundred and thirty-eight in the shade, his ideas about cold weather are not valuable.

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Eight Quotes , Weather Quotes

Satan (impatiently) to Newcomer: The trouble with you Chicago people is, that you think you are the best people down here; whereas you are merely the most numerous.

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Thinking Quotes , Cities Quotes

Laws are sand, customs are rock. Laws can be evaded and punishment escaped, but an openly transgressed custom brings sure punishment.

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Rocks Quotes , Law Quotes

The newspaper that obstructs the law on a trivial pretext, for money's sake, is a dangerous enemy to the public weal. That awful power, the public opinion of a nation, is created in America by a horde of ignorant, self-complacent simpletons who failed at ditching and shoemaking and fetched up in journalism on their way to the poorhouse.

6 years ago

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Self Quotes , Media Quotes

The lack of money is the root of all evil.

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A man may plan as much as he wants to, but nothing of consequence is likely to come of it until the magician circumstance steps in and takes the matter off his hands.

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Men Quotes , Hands Quotes

The future interests me - I'm going to spend the rest of my life there.

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Future Quotes , Interest Quotes

The lie, as a virtue, a principle, is eternal; the lie, as a recreation, a solace, a refuge in time of need, the fourth Grace, the tenth Muse, man's best and surest friend is immortal

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Lying Quotes , Men Quotes

A human being has a natural desire to have more of a good thing than he needs.

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There are some few people I respect and admire, but I don't think much of the species.

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So I became a newspaperman. I hated to do it but I couldnt find honest employment.

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Seasickness: at first you are so sick you are afraid you will die, and then you are so sick you are afraid you won't die.

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Sick Quotes , Firsts Quotes

The kingly office is entitled to no respect. It was originally procured by the highwayman's methods. It remains a perpetuated crime, can never be anything but the symbol of a crime. It is no more entitled to respect than is the flag of a pirate.

6 years ago

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Respect Quotes , Office Quotes