Mark Twain Quotes, Funny Quotes, Uncles Quotes

A man with a hump-backed uncle mustn't make fun of another man's cross-eyed aunt

6 years ago

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Funny Quotes , Uncles Quotes

I don't see any use in having a uniform and arbitrary way of spelling words. We might as well make all clothes alike and cook all dishes alike. Sameness is tiresome; variety is pleasing.

6 years ago

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Clothes Quotes , Arbitrary Quotes

I never made a success of a lecture delivered in a church yet. People are afraid to laugh in a church. They can't be made to do it in any possible way.

6 years ago

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , People Quotes , Laughing Quotes

Why is it that, among men, physical courage is a trait so plenteous yet moral courage is a trait so rare?

6 years ago

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Men Quotes , Moral Quotes

This is the only sane clerical the earthquake has exposed to view yet.

6 years ago

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Views Quotes , Earthquakes Quotes

The modern patriotism, the true patriotism, the only rational patriotism is loyalty to the Nation all the time, loyalty to the Government when it deserves it.

6 years ago

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Inspirational Quotes , Country Quotes

The more things are forbidden, the more popular they become.

6 years ago

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Literature Quotes , Forbidden Fruit Quotes

We catched fish, and talked, and we took a swim now and then to keep off sleepiness. It was kind of solemn, drifting down the big still river, laying on our backs looking up at the stars, and we didn’t ever feel like talking loud, and it warn’t often that we laughed, only a kind of low chuckle. We had mighty good weather, as a general thing, and nothing ever happened to us at all, that night, nor the next, nor the next.

6 years ago

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Stars Quotes , Night Quotes

The fact that man knows right from wrong proves his intellectual superiority to the other creatures; but the fact that he can do wrong proves his moral inferiority to any creatures that cannot.

6 years ago

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Recovery Quotes , Animal Quotes

It is no use to keep private information which you can't show off.

6 years ago

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Writing Quotes , Use Quotes

We despise no source that can pay us a pleasing attention.

6 years ago

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The jury system puts a ban upon intelligence and honesty and a premium upon ignorance, stupidity and perjury.

6 years ago

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Honesty Quotes , Ignorance Quotes

I have made it a rule never to smoke more than one cigar at a time.

6 years ago

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Funny Quotes , Smoking Quotes

How empty is theory in the presence of fact!

6 years ago

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Facts Quotes , Empty Quotes

It liberates the vandal to travel-you never saw a bigoted, opinionated, stubborn, narrow-minded, self-conceited, almighty mean man in your life but he had stuck in one place since he was born and thought God made the world and dyspepsia and bile for his especial comfort and satisfaction.

6 years ago

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Travel Quotes , Mean Quotes

Now is the accepted time to make your regular annual good resolutions. Next week you can begin paving hell with them as usual.

6 years ago

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Inspirational Quotes , Funny Quotes

...many foolish persons, wanderers from other parts, have the vain fashion of graving their names and the obscure places whence they come, upon its stones, which is silly and marketh the doer for a fool.

6 years ago

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Fashion Quotes , Silly Quotes

Who would find out that I am a natural fool if I kept always cool and never let nature come to the surface? Nobody.

6 years ago

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Fool Quotes , Natural Quotes

I have criticized absent people so often, and then discovered, to my humiliation, that I was talking with their relatives, that I have grown superstitious about that sort of thing and dropped it.

6 years ago

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Discovery Quotes , Talking Quotes

The political and commercial morals of the United States are not merely food for laughter, they are an entire banquet.

6 years ago

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Laughter Quotes , Political Quotes