Mark Twain Quotes, Funny Quotes, Sarcastic Quotes

We have the best government that money can buy.

6 years ago

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Funny Quotes , Sarcastic Quotes

Put no trust in the benefits to accrue from early rising, as set forth by the infatuated Franklin.

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , No Trust Quotes , Rising Quotes

Ethical man: A Christian holding four aces.

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , God Quotes , Christian Quotes

The two Great Unknowns, the two Illustrious Conjecturabilities! They are the best known unknown persons that have ever drawn breath upon the planet.

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Two Quotes , Unknown Person Quotes

Civilization is a limitless multiplication of unnecessary necessities.

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Inspiration Quotes , Civilization Quotes

I admire him, I frankly confess it; and when his time is come I shall buy a piece of the rope for a keepsake.

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Time Quotes , Rope Quotes

Had double chins all the way down to his stomach.

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Funny Quotes , Sarcastic Quotes

It's easy to endure adversity -- if it happens to someone else.

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Adversity Quotes , Easy Quotes

Adam and Eve had many advantages, but the principal one was that they escaped teething.

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Mom Quotes , Baby Quotes

Better a broken promise than none at all.

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Inspiration Quotes , Commitment Quotes

What a man sees in the human race is merely himself in the deep and honest privacy of his own heart. Byron despised the race because he despised himself. I feel as Byron did, and for the same reason.

6 years ago

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Heart Quotes , Men Quotes

Never argue with a fool, onlookers may not be able to tell the difference.

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Inspirational Quotes , Crazy Quotes

When one's character begins to fall under suspicion and disfavor, how swift, then, is the work of disintegration and destruction.

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Fall Quotes , Character Quotes

Conductor, when you receive a fare, Punch in the presence of the passenjare. A blue trip slip for an eight-cent fare, A buff trip slip for a six-cent fare, A pink trip slip for a three-cent fare, Punch in the presence of the passenjare! Punch, brothers! punch with care! Punch in the presence of the passenjare!

6 years ago

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Brother Quotes , Eight Quotes

You perceive I generalize with intrepidity from single instances. It is the tourist's custom.

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Travel Quotes , Society Quotes

It is hard enough luck being a monarch, without being a target also.

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Luck Quotes , Target Quotes

Congress: America's only true criminal class.

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Class Quotes , America Quotes

Man is the only animal that deals in that atorcity of atrocities, War. He is the only one that gathers his brethren about him and goes forth in cold blood and calm pulse to exterminate his kind.

6 years ago

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , War Quotes , Animal Quotes

The only people who should use the possessive 'we' are kings, newspaper editors, and persons with tapeworms.

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Kings Quotes , Editors Quotes

Humor is the great thing, the saving thing after all. The minute it crops up, all our hardnesses yield, all our irritations, and resentments flit away, and a sunny spirit takes their place.

6 years ago

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Humor Quotes , Yield Quotes