Mark Twain Quotes, Funny Quotes, Anniversary Quotes

What ought to be done to the man who invented the celebrating of anniversaries? Mere killing would be too light.

5 years ago

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Funny Quotes , Anniversary Quotes

Ignorance, intolerance, egotism, self-assertion, opaque perception, dense and pitiful chuckle headedness - and an almost pathetic unconsciousness of it all, that is what I was at nineteen and twenty.

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Ignorance Quotes , Self Quotes

Whenever we come upon one of those intensely right words in a book or a newspaper the resulting effect is physical as well as spiritual, and electrically prompt.

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Spiritual Quotes , Wall Quotes

No temperance society which is well officered and which has the real good of our fellow-men in view, will ever get drunk save in the seclusion of its temperance hall.

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Real Quotes , Drinking Quotes

The time to begin writing an article is when you have finished it to your satisfaction. By that time you begin to clearly and logically perceive what it is you really want to say.

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Writing Quotes , Want Quotes

I was gratified to be able to answer promptly, and I did. I said I didn't know.

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Inspirational Quotes , Funny Quotes

I asked Tom if countries always apologized when they had done wrong, and he says - "Yes; the little ones does".

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Country Quotes , Apology Quotes

To someone with a hammer, everything looks like a nail.

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Nails Quotes , Hammers Quotes

The people of those foreign countries are very, very ignorant. They looked curiously at the costumes we had brought from the wilds of America. They observed that we talked loudly at table sometimes. They noticed that we looked out for expenses and got what we conveniently could out of a franc, and wondered where in the mischief we came from. In Paris they just simply opened their eyes and stared when we spoke to them in French! We never did succeed in making those idiots understand their own language.

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Country Quotes , Eye Quotes

The existing phrasebooks are inadequate. They are well enough as far as they go, but when you fall down and skin your leg they don't tell you what to say.

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Fall Quotes , Skins Quotes

I am pushing sixty. That is enough exercise for me.

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Fitness Quotes , Humorous Quotes

It takes your enemy and your friend, working together, to hurt you to the heart: the one to slander you and the other to get the news to you.

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Friendship Quotes , Hurt Quotes

Everything human is pathetic. The secret source of humor itself is not joy but sorrow. There is no humor in heaven.

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Happiness Quotes , Humor Quotes

Baseball is the very symbol, the outward and visible expression of the drive and push and rush and struggle of the raging, tearing, booming nineteenth century.

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Baseball Quotes , Struggle Quotes

I wish to become rich, so that I can instruct the people and glorify honest poverty a little, like those kind hearted, fat, benevolent people do.

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , People Quotes , Greed Quotes

Circumstances make man, not man circumstances.

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Men Quotes , Circumstances Quotes

There isn't anything you can't stand if you are only born and bred to it.

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Born Quotes

...Man is a marvelous curiosity. When he is at his very very best he is a sort of low grade nickel-plated angel; at his worst he is unspeakable, unimaginable; and first and last and all the time he is a sarcasm. Yet he blandly and in all sincerity calls himself the 'noblest work of God.'

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Angel Quotes , Sarcasm Quotes

Was it my conspicuousness that distressed me? Not at all. It was merely that I was not beautifully conspicuous but uglily conspicuous - it makes all the difference in the world.

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Differences Quotes , World Quotes

Age enlarges and enriches the powers of some musical instruments - notably those of the violin - but it seems to set a piano's teeth on edge.

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Piano Quotes , Musical Quotes