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Mark Twain Quotes
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Mark Twain Quotes 2407
- Nearly all black and brown skins are beautiful, but a beautiful white skin is rare.
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- When we do not know a person - and also when we do - we have to judge his size by the size and nature of his achievements, as compared with the achievements of others in his special line of business - there is no other way.
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- Priapism is what happens when someone gets strangulated to the point of hypoxia.
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- If you can't get a compliment any other way, pay yourself one.
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- It's not the size of the dog in the fight, it's the size of the fight in the dog.
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- The true Southern watermelon is a boon apart, and not to be mentioned with commoner things. It is chief of this world'd luxuries, king by grace of God over all the fruits of the earth. When one has tasted it, he knows what the angels eat. It was not a Southern watermelon that Eve took: we know it because she repented.
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- Make your vacation your vocation.
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- The symbol of the race ought to be a human being carrying an ax, for every human being has one concealed about him somewhere, and is always seeking the opportunity to grind it.
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- If you're looking for friends when you need them...it's too late.
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- I was warned to stop smoking, which I did, for two or three days, but it was too lonesome, and I have resumed - in a modified way - 4 smokes a day instead of 40. This will have a good effect. On the bank balance.
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- When a person is accustomed to one hundred and thirty-eight in the shade, his ideas about cold weather are not valuable.
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- There is one notable thing about our Christianity: bad, bloody, merciless, money-grabbing and predatory as it is - in our country particularly, and in all other Christian countries in a somewhat modified degree - it is still a hundred times better than the Christianity of the Bible, with its prodigious crime- the invention of Hell.
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- There isn't anything so grotesque or so incredible that the average human being can't believe it.
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- The only people who should use the possessive 'we' are kings, newspaper editors, and persons with tapeworms.
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- In early times some sufferer had to sit up with a toothache, and he put in the time inventing the German language.
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- They say that you can't live by bread alone, but I can live on compliments.
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- In all my travels the thing that has impressed me the most is the universal brotherhood of man-what there is of it.
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- Sometimes too much to drink is barely enough.
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- A gentleman is a man who can play the banjo, but doesn't.
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- God created war so that Americans would learn geography.
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