Ambrose Bierce Quotes, Food Quotes, Cooking Quotes

Mayonnaise: One of the sauces which serve the French in place of a state religion.

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Belladonna, n.: In Italian a beautiful lady; in English a deadly poison. A striking example of the essential identity of the two tongues.

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Trial. A formal inquiry designed to prove and put upon record the blameless characters of judges, advocates and jurors.

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ADDER, n. A species of snake. So called from its habit of adding funeral outlays to the other expenses of living.

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Enthusiasm - a distemper of youth, curable by small doses of repentance in connection with outward applications of experience.

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MAN, n. An animal so lost in rapturous contemplation of what he thinks he is as to overlook what he indubitably ought to be. His chief occupation is extermination of other animals and his own species, which, however, multiplies with such insistent rapidity as to infest the whole habitable earth and Canada.

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J, n. A consonant in English, but some nations use it as a vowel . . . from a Latin verb, "jacere", "to throw," because when a stone is thrown at a dog the dog's tail assumes that shape.

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We hold these truths to be self-evident: that all men are created equal; that they are endowed by their Creator with certain inalienable rights; that among these are life, and the right to make that of another miserable by thrusting upon him an incalculable quantity of acquaintances; liberty, particularly the liberty to introduce persons to one another without first ascertaining if they are not already acquainted as enemies; and the pursuit of another's happiness with a running pack of strangers.

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Christian, n.: one who believes that the New Testament is a divinely inspired book admirably suited to the spiritual needs of his neighbor.

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RATTLESNAKE, n. Our prostrate brother, "Homo ventrambulans".

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gratitude, n. A sentiment lying midway between a benefit received and a benefit expected.

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Cat: a soft indestructible automaton provided by nature to be kicked when things go wrong in the domestic circle.

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ELECTOR, n. One who enjoys the sacred privilege of voting for the man of another man's choice.

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Quill: An instrument of torture yielded by a goose and commonly weilded by as ass.

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Self-evident, adj. Evident to one's self and to nobody else.

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Marriage, n: the state or condition of a community consisting of a master, a mistress, and two slaves, making in all, two.

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MONOSYLLABIC, adj. Composed of words of one syllable . . . Commonly Saxon - that is to say, words of a barbarous people destitute of ideas and incapable of any but the most elementary sentiments and emotions.

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AUSTRALIA, n. A country lying in the South Sea, whose industrial and commercial development has been unspeakably retarded by an unfortunate dispute among geographers as to whether it is a continent or an island.

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CARTESIAN, adj. Relating to Descartes, author of 'Cogito ergo sum' to demonstrate the reality of human existence. The dictum might be improved 'Cogito cogito ergo cogito sum' 'I think that I think, therefore I think that I am' as close an approach.

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Doubt begins only at the last frontiers of what is possible.

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