Ambrose Bierce Quotes, Sarcastic Quotes, Clouds Quotes

DISOBEDIENCE, n. The silver lining to the cloud of servitude.

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Liar: A lawyer with a roving commission.

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There are two instruments worse than a clarinet - two clarinets.

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ADAGE, n. Boned wisdom for weak teeth.

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YESTERDAY, n. The infancy of youth, the youth of manhood, the entire past of age.

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RATTLESNAKE, n. Our prostrate brother, "Homo ventrambulans".

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Sabbath - a weekly festival having its origin in the fact that God made the world in six days and was arrested on the seventh.

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TELESCOPE, n. A device having a relation to the eye similar to that of the telephone to the ear, enabling distant objects to plague us with a multitude of needless details. Luckily it is unprovided with a bell summoning us to the sacrifice.

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ADMINISTRATION, n. An ingenious abstraction in politics, designed to receive the kicks and cuffs due to the premier or president. A man of straw, proof against bad-egging and dead-catting.

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PRE-ADAMITE, n. One of an experimental and apparently unsatisfactory race of antedated Creation. . . . Little its known of them beyond the fact that they supplied Cain with a wife and theologians with a controversy.

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CUI BONO? [Latin] What good would that do "me"?

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Uncommon extension of the fear of death.

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HOG, n. A bird remarkable for the catholicity of its appetite and serving to illustrate that of ours. Among the Mahometans and Jews, the hog is not in favor as an article of diet, but is respected for the delicacy and the melody of its voice. It is chiefly as a songster that the fowl is esteemed; the cage of him in full chorus has been known to draw tears from two persons at once. The scientific name of this dicky-bird is _Porcus Rockefelleri_. Mr. Rockefeller did not discover the hog, but it is considered his by right of resemblance.

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Turkey: A large bird whose flesh, when eaten on certain religious anniversaries has the peculiar property of attesting piety and gratitude.

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SACRED, adj. Dedicated to some religious purpose; having a divine character; inspiring solemn thoughts or emotions; as... the Cow in India; the Crocodile, the Cat and the Onion of ancient Egypt.

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Speak when you are angry and you will make the best speech you will ever regret.

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RADIUM, n. A mineral that gives off heat and stimulates the organ that a scientist is a fool with.

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ARTLESSNESS, n. A certain engaging quality to which women attain by long study and severe practice upon the admiring male, who is pleased to fancy it resembles the candid simplicity of his young.

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OPERA, n. A play representing life in another world, whose inhabitants have no speech but song, no motions but gestures and no postures but attitudes.

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The place whereon the priest formerly raveled out the small intestine of the sacrificial victim for purposes of divination and cooked its flesh for the gods. The word is now seldom used, except with reference to the sacrifice of their liberty and peace by a male and a female fool.

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