Ambrose Bierce Quotes, Fashion Quotes, Men Quotes

DEINOTHERIUM, n. An extinct pachyderm that flourished when the Pterodactyl was in fashion. The latter was a native of Ireland, its name being pronounced Terry Dactyl or Peter O'Dactyl, as the man pronouncing it may chance to have heard it spoken or seen it printed.

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ARENA, n. In politics, an imaginary rat-pit in which the statesman wrestles with his record.

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IMPOSTOR n. A rival aspirant to public honors.

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Dance, v.i. To leap about to the sound of tittering music, preferably with arms about your neighbor's wife or daughter. There are many kinds of dances, but all those requiring the participation of the two sexes have two characteristics in common: they are conspicuously innocent, and warmly loved by the vicious.

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A leech who, having penetrated the shell of a turtle only to find that the creature has long been dead, deems it expedient to form a new attachment to a fresh turtle.

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PAIN, n. An uncomfortable frame of mind that may have a physical basis in something that is being done to the body, or may be purely mental, caused by the good fortune of another.

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predicament, n. The wage of consistency.

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What is worth doing is worth the trouble of asking somebody to do it.

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Congratulations is the civility of envy.

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MYTHOLOGY, n. The body of a primitive people's beliefs concerning its origin, early history, heroes, deities and so forth, as distinguished from the true accounts which it invents later.

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The poor man's price of admittance to the favor of the rich is his self-respect.

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Indigestion: A disease which the patient and his friends frequently mistake for deep religious conviction and concern for the salvation of mankind. As the simple Red Man of the Western Wild put it, with, it must be confessed, a certain force: 'Plenty well, no pray; big belly ache, heap God.'

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ACCUSE, v.t. To affirm another's guilt or unworth; most commonly as a justification of ourselves for having wronged him.

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Prescription: A physician's guess at what will best prolong the situation with least harm to the patient.

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PLAGIARIZE, v. To take the thought or style of another writer whom one has never, never read.

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RIDICULE, n. Words designed to show that the person of whom they are uttered is devoid of the dignity of character distinguishing him who utters them.

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The slightest acquaintance with history shows that powerful republics are the most warlike and unscrupulous of nations.

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AFFLICTION, n. An acclimatizing process preparing the soul for another and bitter world.

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Alligator: The crocodile of America, superior in every detail to the crocodile of the effete monarchies of the Old World.

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diplomacy, n.: The patriotic art of lying for one's country.

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