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Ambrose Bierce Quotes
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Ambrose Bierce Quotes 976
- LIFE, n. A spiritual pickle preserving the body from decay. We live in daily apprehension of its loss; yet when lost it is not missed.
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- Magpie, n.: A bird whose theivish disposition suggested to someone that it might be taught to talk.
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- To renounce an honor for an advantage. To renounce an advantage for a greater advantage.
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- Rum, n. Generically, fiery liquors that produce madness in total abstainers.
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- Beauty, n: the power by which a woman charms a lover and terrifies a husband.
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- A bad workman quarrels with the man who calls him that.
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- PIGMY, n. One of a tribe of very small men found by ancient travelers in many parts of the world, but by modern in Central Africa only. The Pigmies are so called to distinguish them from the bulkier Caucasians - who are Hogmies.
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- Hash, x. There is no definition for this word - nobody knows what hash is. Famous, adj. Conspicuously miserable. Dictionary, n. A malevolent literary device for cramping the growth of a language and making it hard and inelastic. This dictionary, however, is a most useful work.
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- Peace in international affairs: a period of cheating between periods of fighting
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- EXECUTIVE, n. An officer of the Government, whose duty it is to enforce the wishes of the legislative power until such time as the judicial department shall be pleased to pronounce them invalid and of no effect.
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- PHILISTINE, n. One whose mind is the creature of its environment, following the fashion in thought, feeling and sentiment. He is sometimes learned, frequently prosperous, commonly clean and always solemn.
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- NOMINATE, v. To designate for the heaviest political assessment. To put forward a suitable person to incur the mudgobbling and deadcatting of the opposition.
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- Labor is one of the processes by which A acquires property for B.
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- Think twice before you speak to a friend in need
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- LIMB, n. The branch of a tree or the leg of an American woman.
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- Patriotism, n. Combustible rubbish ready to the torch of any one ambitious to illuminate his name. In Dr. Johnson's famous dictionary patriotism is defined as the last resort of a scoundrel. With all due respect to an enlightened but inferior lexicographer I beg to submit it is the first.
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- Least said is soon disavowed.
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- Empty wine bottles have a bad opinion of women.
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- Speak when you are angry and you will make the best speech you will ever regret.
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- NEWTONIAN, Pertaining to a philosophy of the universe invented by Newton, who discovered that an apple will fall to the ground, but was unable to say why. His successors and disciples have advanced so far as to be able to say when.
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