Ambrose Bierce Quotes, Mistake Quotes, Eels Quotes

POLITICIAN, n. An eel in the fundamental mud upon which the superstructure of organized society is reared. When he wriggles, he mistakes the agitation of his tail for the trembling of the edifice.

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WHEAT, n. A cereal from which a tolerably good whisky can be made; . . . also for bread. The French are said to eat more bread "per capita" of population than any other people, which is natural, for only they know how to make the stuff palatable.

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CONGRESS, n. A body of men who meet to repeal laws.

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RITUALISM, n. A Dutch Garden of God where He may walk in rectilinear freedom, keeping off the grass.

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He who thinks with difficulty believes with alacrity. A fool is a natural proselyte, but he must be caught young, for his convictions, unlike those of the wise, harden with age.

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A statesman who shakes the fruit trees of his neighbors - to dislodge the worms.

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NECTAR, n. A drink served at banquets of the Olympian deities. The secret of its preparation is lost, but the modern Kentuckians believe that they come pretty near to a knowledge of its chief ingredient.

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Prejudice - a vagrant opinion without visible means of support.

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There is nothing new under the sun but there are lots of old things we don't know.

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A pessimist asked God for relief. Ah, you wish me to restore your hope and cheerfulness, said God. No, replied the petitioner, I wish you to create something that would justify them. The world is all created,said God, but you have overlooked something

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In each human heart are a tiger, a pig, an ass and a nightingale. Diversity of character is due to their unequal activity.

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MAGNITUDE, n. Size [that is] purely relative. If everything in the universe were increased 1,000 diameters nothing would be any larger than it was before, but if one thing remain unchanged all the others would be larger than they had been.

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Tags : Ambrose Bierce Quotes , Would Be Quotes , Size Quotes

PERFECTION, n. An imaginary state of quality distinguished from the actual by an element known as excellence; an attribute of the critic. The editor of an English magazine having received a letter pointing out the erroneous nature of his views and style, and signed "Perfection," promptly wrote at the foot of the letter: "I don't agree with you," and mailed it to Matthew Arnold.

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Tags : Ambrose Bierce Quotes , Views Quotes , Editors Quotes

Censor, n. An officer of certain governments, employed to supress the works of genius. Among the Romans the censor was an inspector of public morals, but the public morals of modern nations will not bear inspection.

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Nothing is more logical than persecution. Religious tolerance is a kind of infidelity.

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INTIMACY, n. A relation into which fools are providentially drawn for their mutual destruction.

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LIMB, n. The branch of a tree or the leg of an American woman.

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YOUTH, n. The Period of Possibility, when Archimedes finds a fulcrum, Cassandra has a following and seven cities compete for the honor of endowing a living Homer.

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Certain old men prefer to rise at dawn, taking a cold bath and a long walk with an empty stomach and otherwise mortifying the flesh. They then point with pride to these practices as the cause of their sturdy health and ripe years; the truth being that they are hearty and old, not because of their habits, but in spite of them. The reason we find only robust persons doing this thing is that it has killed all the others who have tried it.

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PLEBEIAN, n. An ancient Roman who in the blood of his country stained nothing but his hands. Distinguished from the Patrician, who was a saturated solution.

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Tags : Ambrose Bierce Quotes , Country Quotes , Blood Quotes